week42

week 42 is starting
i waited for you
im still broken
but i cant be alone anymore
i cant cry for you anymore
come and take me
ill be always yours
i learned to hide this sadness
to create art with it
but as a good friend of me said
is like falling in love for a mythical creature, one that does not even really exist
like appreciatte and love are so different
i appreciate people i like people and i love people
but i forgot how to love a lover
i let myself guide by animal instincts
i let myself act by inertia
im glad i can make someone else happy
but i cant share this pain with him
i have no heart to offer
i have a cute face that can warm hearts with smiles
thats enough for them
thats all i can offer myself
merry xmas Chris
may your life be filled with the love i could not provide
may life forgive your kharma
------------------------------------------------------
Last night I forgot how the sound your voice whispered sweet
Goodbyes, your eyes left to die
I'm alone too
I don't stand why

Why not one more night
one last kiss good bye
my sweet love tonight
I hope the stars still spell out your name where you are...

Kiss my closings eyes
Help me sleep without you I'm so lost
Tonight I cry
Tell me why
I can't live without your warm embrace

Why not one more night
one last kiss good bye
my sweet love tonight
I hope the stars still spell out your name where you are...

I close my eyes and you are everything I see
Goodbye

Goodbye to you my love
I will forget you
I'll see you soon
Goodbye my love
Goodbye to you my love
I will forget you
Let me live
------------------------------------------------------
“Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.”

week 40,41

week 41
christmas time is here
im chilling im chilling im chilling
i dream i died
i dream i was murdered
in such an horrible way
i dream i was abandoned
in the coldness
in the rain
tied
bleeding and dying
why dreams have to be so real?
why YOU are part of my dream s
xmas is coming
im chilling inside
im dying
as a dear friend of mine said
when a flowes is not watered eventually withers...
you were the sun and the rain in my life
im so lonely
i miss you so much
i love you even if u are with someone else
i love you even if you dont feel anything for me
i wish i could get rid of this love for you
so i can turn myself into someone else
its been 10 months alone
time of changes time of always be moving
time to watch my friends back, my family back and my back at the same time
i cant forget you i cant stop loving and crying you
i hate xmas
I HATE XMAS!!!!!!!!!!!
im so lonely i could die
i look back and all my happiness
is related to you
even so it should not
im tired of wearing this old trashy mask
im tired im tired im tired
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll have a blue Christmas without you
I'll be so blue thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me
And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That's when those blue, blue memories, they start a-calling
You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white
But I'll, I'll have a blue, blue blue Christmas

Blue, blue Christmas without you
Blue, blue
Blue, blue
Blue, blue

You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white
But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas

week 37, 38, 39

my best was never enough
im lonely
i feel so lonely
time goes so fast
where are you?
why dont you come for me
still
i do my best
always
november went away so fast
december is chilling my soul
numb time kisses me goodbye
i cry out my eyes for you
i wait i wait i wait...
--------------------------------------------------
he place I'll return to someday - lyrics
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Look into the sky
Can you see the moon across the ocean
Coming close to me
I can hear the melody

Cry into the void
Let my voice become the hand that reaches
Out to you and leads
To my long lost memory

Carry me home
I lost my way on roads ever weaving
Home
Where darkness fades and hearts are ever believing
Carry me home
I close my eyes and cling to you ever dreaming
Find me
Oh don't forget the child for whom you are grieving

Voice that calls from there
And the footsteps of its fallen angels
Now becomes the beat
Of my heart so incomplete

Every night I bathe
In the blue that washes over me
And brings me to my knees
In this longing I believe

Carry me home
I lost my way on roads ever weaving
Home
Where darkness fades and hearts are ever believing
Carry me home
I close my eyes and cling to you ever dreaming
Find me
Oh don't forget the child for whom you are grieving
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
LYRICS:

her heart underneath
cries quietly
this part of me
I choose not to see

what lives must I take
for fealty's sake?
how much blood must stain
this warrior's blade?

war leaves its trail
in moonlight so pale
its shadows they flow
in rivers, in rivers
so put on my mask
I'll go where they ask
so I might once again see the
Roses of May

Staining my soul and stinging my eyes
the red on my hands
won't wash away, wash away
no where to run from what I have done
I'm no longer, no longer
a Rose of May

fate holds the blade before you
mirrored in maiden's eyes
far from myself I fly
into the perilous skies
and they said
follow the blade before you
fear fall and courage rise
leave all your tears behind you
far from where innocence lies

Cage of the kings
No need for wings
So turn them to stone
from roses to bone

when you look at me
what do you see?
this costume I weave
disfiguring me...

(chorus A)

Storm clouds are creeping closer
danger is drawing near
why am I not protecting all that
I once held dear?
and you said
break free from all that holds you
kings hand and maiden's tear
run now into my arms
together we'll conquer our fears

Led here by fate
No longer afraid
So here now I lay
My Roses of May
------------------------------------------------------------
OVE HURTS, LOVE SCARS, LOVE WOUNDS, AND MARS,
ANY HEART, NOT TOUGH OR STRONG ENOUGH
TO TAKE A LOT OF PAIN, TAKE A LOT OF PAIN
LOVE IS LIKE A CLOUD, HOLDS A LOT OF RAIN
LOVE HURTS...OOH, OOH LOVE HURTS

IM YOUNG, I KNOW, BUT EVEN SO, I KNOW A THING OR TWO
I LEARNED FROM YOU
I REALLY LEARNED A LOT, REALLY LEARNED A LOT
LOVE IS LIKE A FLAME, IT BURNS YOU WHEN ITS HOT
Letras4U.com » letras traducidas al español
LOVE HURTS...OOH, OOH LOVE HURTS

SOME FOOLS THINK OF HAPPINESS
BLISSFULNESS, TOGETHERNESS
SOME FOOLS FOOL THEMSELVES I GUESS
THEYRE NOT FOOLIN ME

I KNOW IT ISNT TRUE, I KNOW IT ISNT TRUE
LOVE IS JUST A LIE, MADE TO MAKE YOU BLUE
LOVE HURTS...OOH, OOH LOVE HURTS...
OOH, OOH LOVE HURTS

week 34,35,36

This is almost the whole entry for november.i have been so numb all november
Coldness is killing my pain
coldness is taking me away
and i dance and i dance
between raindrops
that threaten me to damp my wings
im a buterfly
a dying butterfly
still i wont letmyself fall
i love you neko
i love you so much
i want tyou so bad
why are you gone?
what did i do?
i loved you too much
i still do
i dream of you at night
you have the key to set me free
or put me in hell
you are the rain that threatens me
you are the wind that keeps me floating
you are you are you are
im not afraid to say i am
im not afraid to say i do i want i love i miss
but i will never say i give up
not to you
not today
not ever
keep the finger on the trigger
the red laser light in the middle of my forehead
keep me tied in the middle of the dessert
keep me with the razor in my wrist
keep me frozen in my autistic world.
Keep keep keep
torturing me every night untiil i fade to black.
This time i could not write week after week.
Why?
im so numb to count time lately.
all i know is that i miss you
all i know is that im cold
all i know is that im lonely.
All i know is that i wont have you back.

---------------------------------------------------------------Sabrina
We both lie silently still
in the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said or something I did
Did my words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why they say

Chorus:
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

Yeah it does

I listen to our favorite song
playing on the radio
Hear the DJ say loves a game of easy come and easy go
But I wonder does he know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know that you'd be here right now
If I could let you know somehow
I guess

Chorus

Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
but the scar, that scar will remain

Solo

I know I could saved a love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of makin' love
We both made our separate ways

and now I hear you found somebody new
and that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
I guess

Chorus


-------------------------------------------------------

Saliva - Rest

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again,
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did,
It has not healed with time...
It just shot down my spine.
You look so beautiful tonight,
Remind me how you laid us down,
And gently smiled,
Before you destroyed my life...

Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again,
You got much closer than I thought you did,
I'm in your reach,
You held me in your hands...

But could you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)

Could you find, could you find in your heart?
(Could you find, could you let me rest in pieces)
Could you find, could you find in your heart?
(Could you find, could you let me rest in pieces)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everytime I feel alone
I can blame it on you
And I do, oh

You got me like a loaded gun
Golden sun and sky so blue
We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice

[Chorus:]
(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)
You just bring me down
(Je pr©tends que tout va bien)
So I'm counting the tears 'til I get over you

Sometimes I watch the world go by
I wonder what it's like
To wake up every single day
Smile on your face
You never tried
We both know we can't change it
But we both know we'll just have to face it

[Chorus]

If only I could give you up
But would I want to let you off of this soapbox baby?
We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice

[Chorus]

We both know that I'm not over you
I'm not over you

week 33

This is week 33
i crawl in this monotony
s spend halloween with l30
it was fun to be with him
just chilling
i liked it
then i remembered what i was doing
last year halloween
and all the pain
just slap me on the face
hold myself tight
keep drinking
keep smoking
keep faking
until i worn out
you walked away
why must you do this?
i hate myself for loving you the way i do
a love that wont let itself die
even when i try to kill it
even if i dont want to
i cans say anuthing else
as this week i was most of the tiome not awake.
im lonely
im xtreme lonely
i think its time to go back to live between robes
and medication smells
love of my life
i wish you are doing fine
xmas time is killing
me
just as kro said
baby steps..one at the time.

--------------------------------Sabrina------------------------
Song of the week
Lyrics to Dream Of You :
I've been here all the time
as far as i know doing right
i've always waited for the moment
that you would come through my door
but this brought loneliness ... so far
i lay my hand onto my heart
is this a life i want to live?
is this the dream i had of you?

... the dream i had of you?

now i'm standing here alone
waiting on my own
for something that will fill the emptiness inside...
the moment that you're mine
bit this is loneliness ... i know
i lay my hand onto my soul
is this what life has got to give?
is this the dream i had of you?

... the dream i had of you?
-schiller-


Quote of the week

"I dream of you when I'm asleep, you even appear when I'm awake daydreaming. There is no escaping you. I just wish it was true."
Source Unknown

week 32

This is week 32
there is no pain now
there is this coldness
that calm my pain
i lost my name
in a sea of empty memories
empty stares
empty face
i feel beutifully sad
i have not know about you ever since i wrote last time how much i missed you
i wake up every day
with an empty space next to me in the bed
i curl inside the bed sheets
im losing my sanity
what a beautiful insanity i am seeing
being developed in my very own self
in front of my eyes
I havent seen isaac
in quite a while
october is over
the christmas winds put the maple smell in the enviroment
somebody inject me a shot of atmosphere
Somebody get me a shot of anesthesia
and i want the shot to be given by you
little hunter of my dreams
this is week 32
i hope ure doing just fine
love of my life
---------------------------------sabrina----------------------------
quote of the week
La muerte en compañia no es la muerte, ni siquiera para los más incrédulos, porque lo que mas duele no es dejar la vida, sino abandonar lo que le da sentido...*"
Raymond Radiguet

Song of the week
When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong
I have figured out
How this world turns cold
and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find
deep inside me
I can be the one

I will never let you fall(let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all(though it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]
q

week 31

This is week 31 since you walked away.
time goes by
so fast...
is hard to accept that you are not comming back
is dificult not to crumble at the look of those
cold eyes i have never seen before
and colder words
razor, thats all you are now
a blade that enjoys to cut my flesh to pieces
a bitter memory
just the ashes of who you were
i wonder why y ou even tried?
why you said you love me when u didnt!
why do i still have the will to wait
but to not to move on
violin strings
vibrate violenty
Slashin pieces of me in every pitch note
letters get impressed in paper
as stars dancing in the sky
even so i love you
even so i wait
Dont ask me to forgive
Dont ask me to forget
is the silence what is driving me insane
the coldness that will not go away
I work hard
doing many projects
so i can be with you maybe
someday
when you are tired of the world
we would meet again
and look at me
or just
pass next to me as an strager
wondering who was the girl with the bitter eyes
in her face that day as she walked in the street
31 weeks ago i felt what being broken really means
and the one time someone tried to fix me
you stepped in
giving me more ilusions
offering fake love
and requesting nothing in exchange
how could i let that offer pass!!?
taking it was one of the worst mistakes i made
a little ilusion of happiness
a night of liliums
beautiful, bittersweet, painful
as fate intended it to be
its been week 31 darling
i hope you are doing fine

-------------------------------Sabrina---------------------

Quote of the week
"My heart longs for you, my soul dies for you,
my eyes cry for you, my empty arms reach out for you."

Song of the week
With Or Without You U2
See the stone set in your eyes

See the thorn twist in your side.

I wait for you.

Sleight of hand and twist of fate

On a bed of nails she makes me wait

And I wait without you

With or without you

With or without you.

Through the storm, we reach the shore

You gave it all but I want more

And I’m waiting for you

With or without you

With or without you.

I can’t live with or without you.

And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away

And you give, and you give

And you give yourself away.

My hands are tied, my body bruised

She got me with nothing to win

And nothing else to lose.

And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away

And you give, and you give

And you give yourself away.

With or without you

With or without you

I can’t live

With or without you.

With or without you

With or without you

I can’t live

With or without you

With or without you.

week 30

this is week 30
i am sorry i say
anata ga inakute sabishii
the meaning i keep it to myself
why do you haunt me in my dreams
love me, or get out of my FUCKING DREAMS!
If i had a wish
ANY wish to be granted
knowing that i cann ot have you
because i cant force a feeling into your heart
i would like to ask
to completely loose my mind
my memories of everyone
my family mi friends myself
my life
be clustered
lifetime
in a cell
a mental hospital room
whatever
in 4 walls
finishing with my insanity transformation
i hold tight to a piece of paper and a pen
when y grind my teeth in my pain
thingking about you until i cry myself to sleep
sometimes waking up in the middle of the night
screaming your name
begging for salvation
asking for your forgiveness and redemption
she talks to me
everynight
deeper desires of destruction
even await in my dreams
i dont know who i am
holydays re comming
i already asked to work all december
if i could i would like to work 24 hours a day
i play hardmy violin
i train hard kick boxing
i write and read fearlessly
i fight everyday to break my back
doing anything i can
so i can be recognized
so maybe just maybe
you can look at me someday
if i become a succesful person
and important person
there are a lot more options
so i can find you again
also i work
llike a maniac
so i can save enough
to visit paris with my own eyes
with or without you
fairytales can have many endings
just "listen to my story..."
-------------------------------sabrina---------------------------
song of the week U2 I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For Lyrics
I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running
You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...


quote of the week
"is not over, on my side is never over" by me

29 week

This is week 29 since you walked away
i keep wondering
why? why must you do this?
did i not mean something
ever meant?
i was hoping
a text msj
for my b day
nothing would have make me happier.
why, when you see i was trying to move
with Arend, or with Andre
when i was just giving babu steps
trying to forget you
you drown me back to the darkness
right to the bottom i was
you came destroyed everything i had done
just to laugh and walk away again
you stole my smile
you corrupted my soul
what i am now?
do you hate me that much you had to erase me
from msn and FB
to stop talking to me
people have done so much worse things
still you are closer to them
than closer to me
i wont beg you to be back with me
not anymore
i wont stalk you either
i wont visit you i wont even talk to you
i just want to know if you are ok
i just want to see if you are happy
otherwise
to do everything in my power to deliver this happiness
anonymously
i am just a cold heart
tied to the memories
leo wrote me a birthday card
called the link
is the most accurate thing i have
ever heard about me
i hated my b day cuz you were not there
yeah sure i can say wow it was awesome the beach and shit
but i just cant decide
if this world is too beautifulo for me
or if i am too beautiful for this world
and i dont mean by the looks
i stop believing
i stoped caring
still i wait
until i die from a broken heart
i will wait and yearn you
and your lingering memory

-------------------------sabrina--------------------------
song AND quote of the week by l30

taken from The link:
"I’ve know you for a long time now, and I know you very well, specially, because I know myself. I can see myself in you, or at least the shadow of what I used to be. I know your heart is broken and aching, because my heart is broken too. It’s been broken for a long time. I know what it is like not being able to forget someone, not being able to stop wanting that person anymore. To stop viciously fantasizing with the taste of her lips kissing yours. Not being able to cleanse your heart from a non returned lover. Having to deal with rejection, and surrendering to melancholic inertia. It’s like falling in love with a mythical creature, one that does not really exist, and will never be able to even speak to you with real words.

I know sometimes in the night you look for something in the darkness, something you are not able to find between your empty cold sheets, and so you cry instead of sleeping, you fear instead of dreaming. Those long lonely nights torturing you with memories, and “what if?”s and “what will be?”s, tearing your heart in solitude and emptiness.

I know that sometimes when you smile, a drop of pain struggles to wipe your smile away, and you have to fight to keep smiling among your friends.

I know what it is like to love your friends with all your heart, because their the only reason keeping you away from completely falling apart, locking yourself up in your messy bedroom, hiding from the world until everything just ends. But you don’t want to depend on them either, and there’s so many things you hide from them, just to not make them worry for you. Just to give them some peace of mind.

I know sometimes your forced to be somebody else, because your mind cant handle so much within one single personality, and sometimes its humiliating, and anguishing to be considered a faker or mentally ill by those who will never understand the odd experiences of a tormented mind. I understand what it is like to be left alone with your own mind playing tricks on you, your own mind as your enemy, trying to crack you up. I know how it is like to be agonizing in silence, hating yourself, the reflection on the mirror, that mimic you can barely recognize, blaming yourself for not being good enough to rise upon the others, not being good enough for the one you love, not being good enough for yourself. I know what it is like to feel like a soul that will never belong to a world that feeds with hate, a world with no place for those who are different. Those who think live and love differently than the great human mass. The human hatters, pointing their fingers at you, laughing, fighting, trying to push you against the corner, trying to make you look miserable, week, and depressed, so they can feed their insecure dried up hearts with your misery, as their pleasure is your pain. I know the feeling of not belonging to anything anymore, to have your dreams taken from you. To have nothing else to look up for in this life. The hope of someday becoming a lonely star at the very end of our galaxy, to create our own worlds, with our own rules."

week 28

your smile hunte me down
i was nice hoping and believing
i was calm thinking that maybe someday
if i tried hard enough
you would look at me
why are u so cruel
why you gave me hope taske it away then
give me hope again
just to ive me my final blow
i3 finally know what u mean by
"i wont answer that"
when i asked you if that night together changed something
and you know what it even worse?
no matter how hard i try
i will never stop feeling
i will never stop loving
if i had one wish
just one
i wuld pick to loose my memory
lose my memories of you
because they kill
i wont quit
im loyal to my muse
as i am loyal to my word
i will wait
i love you
like i believe no one ever did before
and never will
because if you asked me to take my life away
what i would nt do to see you happy?
is true i dont want you as a friends
how could i ?
dont you see how cruel it is?
but i want to see you around
just to make sure ure doing fine
and if not help you
teh best way i can
give you whatever makes you happpy
it hurts me to know this is your choice
yo know my mistake never had your forgiveness
even when yours were forgotten a long yime ago
why it hurts even more than before?
if you want to be left alone
fine you wont see me again
but dont spect em to dissapear
ill be just behind the wall
as i have always been
i know you wont go to my bday
maybe is better
i dont need to build more memories
that will only hunt me down
no one ever would love u like i did
like i do
like i will keep doing
i know it
im not saying im the best around
but
i know a broken heart can hate
as much as it can love
and can leeploving
even after broken
i will wait
so maybe someday
you realize this
and give me a chance
i will go away
to run from the pain
but cant do the same
with my memories of you
so i just can keep writting
on this filthy blog
and hide my tears
between this 4 walls
i love you my muse
amd i actually really mean it.
its been week 28 since you walked away
i know you are doing fine
love of my life

quote of the week

# The worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned


song of the week
The time is close now, the end is near
My walk through the valley, trails of fear
I feel empty, my penance overdue,
I guess it's too late now to be with you
I'm extremely frightened of what will surely be
I sold myself, the death of me
I know you can't forgive me I know I'm on my own,
I've betrayed you I walk alone

What exactly is the meaning of this
Just pawns in your twisted game
Severe pain for the lie I'm livin'
For a love I never could betray

[Bridge]
Question me not say the lord unto thee
You have chosen your own faith and your own destiny
Denied of this life is what you are to be
You have chosen your own faith and your own destiny

Lord I pound my fists at you
Won't you just let me die
Would I not suffer enough
No inner peace no after life

[Repeat Bridge]

I did what I thought was right
All for the love of my life
I know it's sad but true
Something is very wrong
Condemned to suffer so long
For a love so true

The question that lies within
Is so hard to understand
It still tears at me
And in my dying breath
My heart holds no regrets
I wouldn't change a thing

My spirit begins to rise to the heavenly skies
Just to be shunned away by you
Now all I want is to die, no streets of gold in the sky
And I wash my hands of you

[Bridge]
Rising to the heaven's light
Just to plead for death
Just to be denied

Rising to the heaven's light
Just to plead for death
Just to be denied

Ooohhh, I know you can't forgive me
I know I'm on my own
I know that I've betrayed you
You know I walk alone
You know I walk alone

I walk, I walk the trail of fear
I pound my fists at you
I'm shunned away by you
I wash my hands of you

Why won't you let me die
Why won't you let me die
Why won't you let me die

week 27

My birthday is acoming as october is starting
i am so hopeful trying hard to reach you
i sincerely hope you can make it to my b day
because that would be my best present ever
i want to see you
but ure not here
ure never around
no matter how hard i try
poems and kindness are not the way to your heart anymore
if i only knew then what is tha way to your heart for me
so i can be again in your hands
being warmed by your arms
because weather is getting colder
and im so tired of sleeping at night alone
is so cold
but i rather learn how to sleep with thw coldness
for the rest of my life
Andre told me something that left me thinking
i postd some old piks
at FB
when i was with you
he siad " you looked way too different"
me "why"
you seem... happy.
as well other people have told me when i smile
i have a sad aura around me
you stole my smile
you stole my soul
please
just please
bring it back
if you may
this is week 27 since you walked away.

i know ure doing fiine
love of my life

quote of the week

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

You are never a looser until you quit trying.

Pray to God, sailor, but row for the shore.

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9


song of the week

Summer Is Gone Lyrics

Cigarettes and innocence are scattered on the floor
It's the first of October and the summer is gone
You can't walk away and try claim that none of this was real
Sometimes autumn is confusing and I know exactly how you feel

And somewhere you want to go from here
Well I'd rather learn to sleep alone
And I swear I die inside some nights as the winter comes on
'Cause the summer is gone

Children's games
Freezing rain
And Carolina nights get confused out in Brooklyn where promises die
You can contemplate and half explain
And justify yourself to anyone who wants to listen
If your answers seem heartfelt

And somewhere you want to go from here
Well I'd rather learn to sleep alone
And I swear I die inside some nights as the winter comes on
'Cause the summer is gone

No one believes all the truth that you have while you dream
And no one believes
And no one believes so please just stop screaming at me
Won't you please just stop screaming at me
Won't you please just stop screaming at me
Won't you please just stop screaming at me
Won't you please just stop screaming at me

Wherever you want to go from here
Well I hope you learn to sleep alone
And I pray you die inside some nights as the winter comes on
'Cause the summer is gone

Oh
The summer is gone
Oh
The summer is gone
Oh
The summer is gone

week 26

This is week 26 since you walked away, hald a year
had happened a lot in only six months
the person i loved and the person that i keep loving
just pushed me away
several times
I was in the hospital
about to die
I had one of the toughest fights in my life
in which i had to use a blade and hurt a person
otherwise the person would hurt me and the person i was trying to protect
I was abused sexualy
by a person i thought would never do anything to anyone
a harmless bastard
i lost my best friend in hands of his girlfriends
its been a few months since i saw him last time
i discovered i should get away from people who all tehy do
is talk at my back
i learned to play violin
or i am trying to learn
i discovered a person i used to not to have relationship with
is now the person i cherish the most, my best friend, my confident.
I discovered i am not the only one with another alter ego to control
i have a friend who suffers even worse because of his disease
i was fired
the first time in my life
I was hired
in a company i believed would be unreachable
I composed a song
When i always hide my poetry to only myself
I kissed a person i did not like
And i knew what breaking a heart felt
is not something i liked to do
i Felt what having a broken heart mean
the physical symptoms are amazing, you really have feel how your heart breaks
the coldness the lack of air
your head about to xplode
your troath burning
the whole pain experience
I was with a person to forget another person
Now i know is just a fail
i learned how to be a doll
a cold porcelain toy, and i dont mind being used anymore.
I tried drugs
and i never had been that much in the street
as the last months
i havent seen my mother
neither had she called
in 6 months.
i grew up
i matured a little
everything had happened in the past 6 months....
but you know what this all taught me, little kitten?
Stick to what you believe. If you try hard to get something
and can not get it
just Try harder
follow your heart
dont listen to the negatives around you
this week is ending
i just hope you are able to make it to my bday
little neko
i love you
look at me
please
just look at me
i love you
like no one ever did.
look at me
love me
like before
just look at me
----------------------------------------SABRINA---------------------------------------
Quote of the week
"will wait u my little one... will be waiting as always has been, cause I know you are out there, I know you are waiting for me as well, I did mistakes in the past, people did with me as well, but now is time to wait, to wait to find you, cause I learn from my experiences and errors and will be here with my eyes opened so I will meet you someday!" by a little neko


Song of the week

"What I Wouldn't Do"

If we were children I would bake you a mud pie
Warm and brown beneath the sun
Never learned to climb a tree but I would try
Just to show you what I'd done

Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe, I had you
Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe

If I were old, my dearest, you would be older
But I would crawl upon your lap
Wrap a blanket round our frail little shoulders
And I'd die happily like that

Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe, I had you
Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe, if I had you

So lace your hands round the small of my back and I will kiss you like a king
I will be your bride, I'll keep you warm at night
I will sing, I will sing

It was now and we were both in the same place
Didn't know how to say the words
With my heart ticking like a bomb in a birdcage
I left before someone got hurt

Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe, I had you
Oh what I wouldn't do
If I had you, babe, if I had you

Week 25

this is week 26 since you walked away
i have been just in the border of an abyss
im unable to describe
there was some stiches
trying to cure my wounds
slowly
painfully recovery
but i am on my way
but why always
you pop out of nowhere in my life
and just crave your name in myself
just slash cut pierce
through my very core
leaving me in gashes of pain
strong intense merciless
i wanted to ask you something
i wanted to know
if i have some meaning
if i still have a chance
if there was still feelings
but i regretted
what for?
i know the answer
i know hearing it from you will hurt more
i know that is the life i chose
this was my choise
this pain in my chest
this coldness in the aura
the choking sensation in my throat
the tears in my eyes
what i am to you?
what am i to anyone else
i wish to be loved by who i am
not by what i look like
and i want you to love me
but real love
does not mean to be together
real love means to let go
even if it hurts
even if it kills
WHY AM I SO AWAKE AGAIN!!!!
why am i so weak again
why it hurts like before even more
its been 26 weeks
half a year
why this pain does not go away
why is worse
why is stronger
why am i falling
again in that vicious circle
why why why it HURTS!
fucked up childhood dreams
your memory
a happy life
my heart
i tried to kill everything when i chose this path
why still it hurts
why why why!
this weekend
i spend time with isaac
all weekend
randall is gone
and kro is away
he is all i have
for the first time in this 26 weeks
i took of my mask and just cried
and cried
and cried
your friend santiago
after you left
asked me to kiss him
CANT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND I DONT WANT Anthing from anyone
I miss you.a lot

------------------------------------------------SABRINA-----------------------



quote of the week
“I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.” Audrey Hepburn

SONG OF THE WEEK
a lonely september
I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

[Chorus]
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own

[Chorus]
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

[Chorus]
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

week24

could it be true little kitten
you love me for real
do you speak the truth?
now im ust more confused like ever
this week i decided to get away from andre
dont worry
not because of you
because he decided so
he...must have understood wrong
i liked him
but if he look for silly excuses
as schedules
what can i do
i ust can get away from him
but this only pulls me closer to you
i have seen your behaviour
i believe i am in the same point i had been for 24 weeks in a row
just hoping
and the uncertain wonder
always produces pain in my chest
i feel lonely
i miss you
if you only knew
how much it hurts
but im just awesome pretending to be a cute shelf doll

song of the week
Remember when we used to look how sun sets far away?
And how you said: "This is never over"
I believed your every word and I guess you did too
But now you're saying : "Hey, let's think this over"

You take my hand and pull me next to you, so close to you
I have a feeling you don't have the words
I found one for you, kiss your cheek, say bye, and walk away
Don't look back 'cause I am crying...

I remember little things you hardly ever do
Tell me why
I don't know why it's over
I remember shooting stars, the walk we took that night
I hope your wish came true, mine betrayed me

You let my hand go, and you fake a smile for me
I have a feeling you don't know what to do
I look deep in your eyes and hesitate a while...
Why are you crying?

Tallulah, It's easier to live alone than fear the time it's over, oo-ooh...
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me, oh, Tallulah,
This could be... heaven

I see you walking hand in hand with long-haired drummer of the band
In love with her or so it seems, he's dancing with my beauty queen
Don´t even dare to say you hi, still swallowing the goodbye
But I know the feelings still alive, still alive

I lost my patience once, so do you punish me now
I'll always love you, no matter what you do
I'll win you back for me if you give me a chance
But there is one thing you must understand

Tallulah, It´s easier to live alone than fear the time it´s over
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah,
This could be...

Tallulah, It´s easier to live alone than fear the time it´s over
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah,
This could be...

quote of the week
I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile. by tigress luv

week23

this is week 23 since you walked away
i have not so much to tell
i miss you my little neko
some nnights y look at my hands
and imagine the warmness
of your by our crossed fingers
i have been in quite delicate state lately
over sensityve for stuffs
im ust lonely
i Want you so bad....

there is no more for me to say this weeks
words are taken silently by the wind
and i highly doubt
at this point
you could care less

Song of the week
Running the race
Like a mouse in a cage
Getting nowhere but I'm trying
Forging ahead
But I'm stuck in the bed
That I made so I'm lying

But if you keep real close
Yeah, you stay real close
I will reach you

I'm down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me still

Eager to please,
Trying to be what they need
But I'm so very tired
I've stopped trying to find
Any peace in my mind
Because it tangles the wires

But if you keep real close
Yeah, you stay real close
I will reach you

I'm down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me
Can you hear me still

The sound tires on my lips
To fade away into forgetting

I'm down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me
Can you hear me

I'm down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me
Can you hear me still

quote of the week
You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even if their happiness means that you're not part of it- anonimous

week22

This is week 22
since you walked away
fresh wounds agains
what was becoming a simple scar
became a flood of blood in my mind
this weekend
i went to the mt
as i started to feel the cold
the smell of damp wood
the mist around
i realized
im just were i begun
thinking about you
just running away from memories
just trying to hide my pain from people
just being a lovely doll
I was with the person i like
it was weird cuz he asked me something
i can not remember now
and to my response
"im just good pretending to be a doll"
he repplied "i know"
Arend at work just does not look at me
probably his feelings for me resume to hate
better having him hating me
than the previous situation
i know you are sick
i wish i could just pet you
until you get better
last weekend was weird
all this week has being weird
i need to feed
not to eat but to feed
im too weak
im always sleepy
i need to sleep a lot
leo said i need to feed
i need to learn how to feed as a vampire
because i have awaken
but i still cant take what i need
to keep my energy up
i planted the edelweiss seeds
i take dedicated care of them
so i can have an edelweiss in my hand
i had a dream
involving edelweiss flowers
i have 2 more new piercings
in each side of the hips
i got them on saturday
saturday was a random day
i feel like cooking something weird
but i dont cook to myself
and after this weekend i give up cooking for the person i like
i wish to just stare at the stars
the pain is comming back
the waves are crashing again in my shores
is just me again
its just me
thsi weekend i will just see kro
and isaac, becauise kro is having a crisis
and then ill sleep my pain away....
maybe that is why i feel the urge to pierce myself
to balance pain internally with pain externally
i have certain disgust for my own self
Fabio contacted me
he wants ME to forgive him
i dont know if i am wrong
but if someone abused you
you dont just forgive them
and reminded me
how miserable i am
i disgust myself now... again
im just where i was
so im just gonna ease myself tonight
as the ghost i am to you now
hidden under the scense
of a white flower
in the night
this is just week 22
i wonder how you are
love of my life?


Sabrina
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
quote of the week
"Alguien te amo; algún día, alguien te amo por tus sonrisas, por tus palabras tan sinceras. Alguien te amo; algún día, por lo que fuiste, por lo que has sido, y por lo que ahora eres. Alguien te amo; algún día, por tu silueta al sol, por tu cabello al viento. Alguien te amo; algún día, con todos tus defectos, por todas tus virtudes. Alguien te amo; algún día, aunque dijo que no lo hacia, aunque quizá pronto lo olvide. Algún día...Alguien te amo...* BY Genious
Visita su blog... http://www.mygenius05.blogspot.com/

-SONG of the week

blind by lifehouse
I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this war
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

week21

this is week 21 since you left
I am seeying someone else
Im kind of dating someone
but there is you in my mind
even when i try to push you away
i like that person
he makes me feel just allright
but everytime i stop looking
into0 the eyes of that person
is you who comes to my mind
what do i do?
what do i do to stop this?
is not fair for him
but im not so strong to continue
i need to take you out
this does not mean to stop loving you
just to move your memory to the back of my heart
this week so many things happened
i dont think this week you even
notized the blood red carnation
or maybe you did and you just dont care
i saw piks of you in luna
i dont understand why i seek to hurt myself even more
im trapped, caged, hidden
in this 4 walls
Sometimes i stay in the same position
of minutes
even hours
a blank stare
im pretty darn good in pretending to be a Doll
even in public
just a lifeless broken doll
why you do this, mind on fine?
i miss him
i miss you neko
saturday last week i did nothing
just stood at home
on sunday i visited Andre
the person i like
the person i date
i can only see him on weekends because
he works at night
at hp...how Ironic
Arend hates me
he does not even talk to me
thios week was hell
avoiding him on the hal;l
trying to hide
but at the very least
i dont have to worry about things i do might affect him
he wrote some kind of letter
24 pages long
explaining so many things
i showed it to isac
he stated "bullshit, everything on this letters is bullshit, he was a jelous posessive person with you, he did this just to make you feel bad about you looking for your happiness, for once, you can be with whoever you may and ill be ok, because is you" or something like that
thats why i trust so much in Issaac
he tells the awful truth the way it is
at the end we both laughed
neko i miss you
this week
from switzerland
seeds arrived
i asked for edelweiss seeds
so i can plant them and grow them on my own
fuck, ill plant them and grow them and they will be flowers
and when i got a flower
it would be somehow delivered
and im no promising athing
cuz shit im tired of promising
im tired of promises
that are ALWAYS broken
while im stuck here
keeping mines
everywhere i go
is completely full of memories
what do i have to do, damn it?
so i can have u back
i dont want, i just cant and i wont be on your way
but oh how i do miss you!
if someday ure just tired of everything
when everyone had let you down
ill be right here
if only
you called me
use me
just use me
when ure sick
use me
ill take care of you
when you are tired
sad
had a bad day
use me
i just want to be close to you
randall... always talks to me
happy of how great his job is
next to you
it hurt me
im happy for him
but i just dont wanna talk about it
We agreed to meet this sunday
but im just gonna hide
im envous
he can see you always
while is me who literally mourns
for you, for your simple presence
because means talking bout you
i miss you
fuck i miss you
i just wait
i wanna be in complete numbness
i say for me is easy to be a doll
an accesory for people
but it required to keep this constant numbness
this numbness state tire me
wash my energy
and happiness away
my whole sanity
this is week 21
since you walked away
i wonder how you are doing
sweet love of mine

Sabrina
--------------------------------------
Quote of the week:
"It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands."


song of the week
Numb by linkin park
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
?Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

week20

this is my 20ths week crying
silently crying
This week was quite a mess
quite a mess
Choco got terribly mad at me
because i mentioned him
i liked his friend Andre
he, is just a nice person
i really like him
everyone told me he is up to no good
but who cares
if someone plays with me again
i know what is the protocol
weep some months
pull myself together
then go out again into the world
so the next idiot can break me down
i really hope
i dont get broken hearted again
not so fast
because im not done
gathering the pieces of me around
anyway
i like Andre
even when the objects of my nightmares
is you
last weekend
i stood with him
i had a nice weekend
for once in a while
i was really stressed last saturday
because he asked me to go to Acid bar ith him
Fabio is always at acid
thats bastard
i swear i wouldnt mind to get my hands dirty
just to catch him
for all he did to me
i still feel dirty
i still feel sick
the nausea wont wash away
and i guess
if i dont take care of myself
no oneat this point will
about Arend....
He said good bye
i warned him
hell i tried to warn him
that i was a bad person
that i wanted nothing more than a friendship
i tried
but at the end
he chose the path i chose too
and ended broken hearted
maybe is a clue that i would be broken hearted soon too
leo told me being pretty is a curse
i dont even consider myself a pretty girl
i see thousands of defects in myself
otherwise if i were as perfect as he said
you wouldnt had walked away
i have been in this nightmares again
almost every night again
with the paralyzis again
i cry here in my room at night
so when sun rises
i have the strength to smile
endure
and keep up to other peoples spectations
still
i wait
whenever you are tired of everything
ill be right here
ill be right here waiting
i will not be around
so you keep rejecting me and hurting me
all you will know about me
is just a lilium scented shadow
swift, random, sporadic, silent
a faceless ghost
until you decide is time
to stop playing around
maybe all your life you will play
maybe some day you will wake up
and realize the dream is gone
when everyone else
let you down
ill be here
right here
i am the hand you dont want to take
but mine is the hand that will be first avaliable
is 345 am
i saw the pik in facebook
of you in code
this is all i am
a ghost in your past.
my feelings have not changed
ever since we danced under fireflies.
i miss you
i wish you would come back
but
i guess im just too low life
to be worth even looking at anymore.

Song of the week day light by ron pope
I've seen sad
Dark times
And I have waited for the sun to rise

I've seen sad
Dark times
And waited for rain
All I know is whenever I am far from home
There are nights when words seem out of place

Ba da da

I have walked alone and the stars have tried to guide me home

I have walked alone
Lost in the fog
All I find are faded pictures from a distant life
And I wish to God I could see your eyes

Ba da da

I ain't got no magic potion
All I know is that we're better of together than we ever were alone
So if you let me try
Just give me time,
Oh
Woman I will find a way to help you ease your troubled mind

Ba da da

If the morning comes I'll be thankful just to see the sun
But the daylight seems so far away

Ba da da


quote of the week
A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?
Kahlil Gibran

week19

week 19
19 weeks since you cut the lace
its been 6 months
its been 186 days since everything started
should i count hours and minutes?
ive been waking up a lot lately
i feel like going away again,
running away from people
i have cried a lot again as well
i miss you...
liliums only make me remember your name
what do i have to do
for you to look at me
i cry form my insides
just for that warm huig that never reaches me
im just crying my6 eyes out to feel
your lips colliding to mines
Victor told me to dissapear from your life
im trying to
but your memory just call me back
call me to my field of fireflies and sweet smells
Im not half of the person i used to be
Im not half the person you remember
if i couldnt keep you then
how do i pretend
why do i even pretend to try?
Im just a shelf Doll
Everyday i try to see the daylight
but all i see is the sun, burning my skin from my insides
blood lust cover my nights
as all i think is in blank
and my heart feel numbness untill i finally
from exhaustation
fall sleep
Im working hard to be better
so maybe just maybe
you can look at me
but
all i do is getting away from home
i will never ahve a home
beliefs taught me
home is where your loved ones are
my loved one is far from me
all i have is 4 empty walls
and faint memories
and a scream inside my throat
that burns me,
desperatedly trying to choke upon my name
i just look at the stars everynight
wishing you are well
wishing you are happy
I just cant wish for you to be here
if i no longer am able to return the cheerful smile in your face
and that beautiful bright of your eyes
im kind of sick right now
im freezing and with Fever
so probably im just babling around
but
in my dreams
all i want is to be next to you
i wait for rain to fall
so my cheeks wont look so wet by tears
i dont even know who i am anymore
is like walking i the middle of the mist
seeing a shadow that always keeps its distance
never reaching for it
im a doll
im a doll
im a shelf doll
empty inside
spirited crushed inside
just a blank mask
I miss you....
----------------------------------------
Song of the week From Autumn to Ashes : All I Taste Today Is What's Her Name

The tears suspend.
Smiles are not more than (empty love)
Locked doors can keep you alone
Forever paint words (from your lips) in a house that's no longer your home
Take the dreams I know (as my own) and it worsens weekends
Thanks again for my misery. And you run with fake friends
I'm sick of your sad songs and sing alongs.
I kind of like it when things are wrong.
Straight from left end,
They'll shout corrections,
And I'll decline, I'll decline
A source of comfort or some protection
And I'll decline


Quote of the week:

I think I'm much less self confident today. I actually went through a quite painful period because of that thinking that I was completely hopeless. But I think that's something that we all go through at various times of our lives and it was quite a sustained thing with me.
Hugo Weaving

week18

this is week 18 since you walked away
you told me to stay away from you
you asked me lo leave you alone
here i am
leaving you alone
i talked with arend
i wish he understand i dont need a guardian angel
i dont need someone alway there
because i like my loneliness
thw way it is
this week i was trained with more skills
maybe is my attitude
but work is becoming a lot more heavy
anyway, i still like it
im gonna take victors advise
even if you look for me or talk to me
i will run away from you
you will hurt me
you cant decide what you want
i learned
im good at pretending to be a doll
bitter inside
a beautiful mask on the outside
so anyone can play with me...
be happy...be glad
you DO honor your nickname
spirit crusher suicide bastard
i dont want to feel anymore
always people pushing me forward
cant they see im right here
i WANT to stay right here
with only myself
i dream this week weird stuffz
i dreamt i was a thief
in the medieval age
i was long haired
and was very skinny
i was always running away from people
i had always blood in my hands
i was always hunted down.
Rosemary is barely hear until recently
she has been out twice this week
once on friday night
i dont remember how i got home
i just woke up
with a dont know how many benadryl insidethe second time was on weekend
on saturday Arend asked me to help him pick a dog
for his new house
we went to animal shelder
and found a beautiful what i think could be an alaskan mallamut
then choco invited me to casa rock
i drank 4 vodka shots, 2 black smirnoffs, and i loose the count of jaggers
i met a guy called Andre
for some reason
that guy calls my attention
not by heart
is more the curiosity a cat feels for a moving bug
choco warned me he is up to no good
at this point im awesome pretendig to be a doll
so everyone can play with me
---------------------------------------------------------------------
song of the week
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll never have...
I'll never have... I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in...
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in...
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down...come down...I cherish you...I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me...
just say you would do the same for me...
just say you would do the same...
just say you would do the same, for me
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes

Quote of the week
"I had a dream and it was about you ...
I smiled and recalled the memories we had ...
then I noticed a tear fell from my eyes ... you know why?
Coz in my dream you kissed me and said goodbye ." by annon

week 17

this is week 17 since you walked away
im just fine i guess
im learning how to control things
i miss you neko
this weekend we went to fraijanes to camp.
it was a beautiful full moon in a clear sky
full of stars
we even saw a shooting star
my wish was made secretly
i wish you would have been there
i see you conected
i guess you do just fine
i want the happiness for you
even when in not yours
you are my happines lil neko
i wont make a resume of what
i do from now on
you just dont care
but if this blog continue open
and i continue writting on it
means that i love you
maybe some day
whe you are tired of life
of people
of everything
maybe you remember me
and come back
i never meant to cause you trouble
in fact this time i didnt
but i hacve learned
that when you have an idea
is hard for me to take it out
victor told me
to not to get lost in the pain
of solitude
im lost but somehow
i like it
very much
Quote of the week
Every day after I wake up, I think, 'Wait... this can't be real; I'm still going to wake up.'
Michael Phelps

song of the week
In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared
But I wait for you

If you go, if you go
Leaving me here on my own
Well I wait for you

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Please, please, please
Come on and sing to me
To me, me

Come on and sing it out, out, out
Come on and sing it now, now, now
Come on and sing it

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah
Oh yeah
in my place-coldplay-

week 16

im sorry you found out that way
its week 16 since you walked away form me
Arend is a nice person
i just
that wont be fair for him
on weekend
i saw you and my [pale face recognized shame
im not strong enough to see you face to face
all fridar evening and saturday morning
you send me those msg
i wish i could have gone
and tell you how much i love you too
but i was stuck
and i drank till i felt too sleepy to keep answering
u just want to get away from this pain
i learned to control it
but sometimes it still
takes my breath away
im not strong enough to get out of this circle
on monday i talked to arend
to leave things as just friends
i dont luike to see ppl crying
because of me
but i guess it needs to be done
this weekend im going t6o fraijanes
leo, charlie, isaac, kro, choco, pablo, arend and me
i just need to relax and have a good ride next to my friends
funny thing you are planning a camp in fraijanes too
one week after i planed mine
i miss you kitty
i talk with victor
he said you are an emotional dog
he made me see
im no different fromother persons to you
but you know
i still wait
i got my tattoo!
so i can always remember my promises to you
i wish you could see it...
looks pretty cute actually
next month i will have the wings on the back
i hope you have a happy life lil neko
i told you i would wait
im a good girl

song of the week
we will meet again
johny cash
We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know
We'll meet again
Some sunny day

Keep smilin' thru
Just like you
Always do
'Til the blue skies drive
The dark clouds
Far away

And will you please say hello
to the folks that i know
Tell'em that I won't be long
And they'll be happy to know
That when you saw me go
I was singing this song

We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know
We'll meet again
Some sunny day

[Spoken:]
Yeah we'll meet again
I don't know where
Anf I don't know when
But I do know
That we'll meet again
Some sunny day

[Spoken:]
So Honey
Keep on smilin' thru
Just like you always do
'Til the blue skies
Drive the dark clouds
Far away

And would you please say hello
To all the folks that I know
And tell'em I won't be long
They'll be happy to know
That when you saw me go
I was singing this song

[With Choir:]
We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know
We'll meet again
Some sunny day

quote of the week
You and I will meet again, When we're least expecting it, One day in some far off place, I will recognize your face, I won't say goodbye my friend, For you and I will meet again.
Tom Petty

week 15

week 15.
i dont knwo what to say
on saturday i saw you
you looked happy
i just went to
see you
i love to see you
your smell
your beautiful face
but on sunday
i kissed a guy
i think i like
although im not so sure about it
how shopuld i tell you
i dont want to breeak my promise
i miss you
i want you
this week
has been akward
that guy
is somehow one of the bosses
around here
i dont want
yo have laboral issues
because of that
besides
is you who i think
when im at night
in my room
lonely
i think i should just
leave like this
the way thinghs are
i want you my neko
i want you so bad.....
as i told you before
i m not gonna write a lot
because i knwo now you dont care anymore
but hey, you know, i still love you, i will still wait.
song of the week
good bye my lover by james blunt
Goodbye my lover --

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

quote of the week
Unless one says goodbye to what one loves, and unless one travels to completely new territories, one can expect merely a long wearing away of oneself and an eventual extinction.
Jean Dubuffet

week 14,

Week 14, i dont even know where to start
i finally entered to the floor
this job is stressing
still, easy
i have not seen isaac i miss that bastard a lot
latelly, ive been in my stuffs
i have been wondering what to do with you these weeks
after what you told me on msn
why cant i make you happy
do you love me or you not?
im havong a hard time reading you
because you look so different
i wait, i wait.
my mom is not doing so good
i wish i could help her more
this is really gonna be a short entry
im sorry it took me so long to write it
there is no much more to say about this week.
i have been quite lazy lately
no money and so
next week a guy invited me to the movies
on sunday
on saturday i wanna see you
i am actually planning to sell one of my cameras
because i really need money
i finally got my cellphone as you know
i love to take pictures
so im very happy with it.
i wondwe i winder i wonder
how do you say you miss me.
you are gone now
im behind that crystal wall


this entries will be short
cuz i know you dont read anymore


song of the week
"Leaving On A Jet Plane" by chantalKREVIAZUK

I'm ... I'm ...

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm ...

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

But I'm leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
(Leaving) On a jet plane


Quote of the week
"Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it."

Week 13

lonely.
i feel lonelty
i believe there are some days
that should be erased from my calendar
why is always this pain present
on 30s?
i always want to go to the beach
at see the sunset
in "the rocks"
I found my favorite book
this weekend
which i read on my adventure on sunday
even if this book
have nothing to do with you
because it had always been my favorite
but always the conversation
between the fox and the little prince
reminds me of you
therefore make my eyes water
my weekend was weird, akward, a mess
but somehow made me feel better
to swim in the cold water and scream
alone, in the forest
in the rain
im happy you gave me the surprise on monday
being in your arms
and having you in mine
just for a few moments
was the BEST thing that could ever happen
since you surprised me with a rose
arriving my house
at 11.00pm
but i dont understand
i dont know what to do
i dont know how to act
i dont even know what you want
we are grown ups
cant you tell me straight what you pretend
because by your comments
i dont think you wuld mind if i hug you all night long
you wouldnt mind i believe even if i kissed the tip of your nose
like i liked, like i like to do it
but again
what if that makes you go away like before
but what is the difference before and now at the end?
the only difference is that i may see you
and i may touch you
but i cant feel you
and maybe just maybe
that feeling is even more painful
but still
is like a drug
pleasant while last
thank you neko chan
even if it will hurt later on
thank you.
i wish i was part of your day to day life
just to be able
to see you smile
to hug you while i watch your sleep
i wont lie
i still have the waves
the big ones come more often since i saw you
but they disapear as fast as they arrive
i love you
i want you
i miss you
wednesday...
13 months ago
i had one of the happiest days of my life
and today i can tell 14th months ago
i had the happiest day off my life
and i still grieve why it can not be repited
Maria, a friend at work
was listening to the song you are beautiful
i gaught the song at the last sentence
"but is time to face the truth
i will never be with you"
thats a truth that i am not ready to face
i wait
i wait
i wait
leo asked me
if there was a possibility
that someone created
the perfect, treatment, potion, chemical whatever
that made human body be ageless
eternal life
and it was offered to you
would you take it?
same as isaac
when we where talking about becoming vampires
would we take the chance?
my answer remain unchanged
if i took the potion i would ask first to the person i love
if he whould take it
if he agreed
i would
that does not mean
the person have to be with me
even like me
but i would be happy if he is alive
if he is doing fine
and then i would take my inmortality
to make him be happy
the best way i can
even if that means walking away
or be with that person.
There are somethings
that make me think
and dissapoint me
last weekend
when you talked to me
you said
you have been drinking
meaning you were not thinking with your 5 senses
you have not made any kind of comments this week
this is why i wonder
if maybe you realized you really didnt want to say the things you said
on the other side
on monday you surprised me that way
thats why lil neko
i dont know what to do
i am sick and tired of wondering!!!!!!!!
i wait hour after hour
to see if you talk to me
at work
also when
im at home
i dont know
i wish i knew
but everything just conspires for me to think
that you could gimem a chance...
after friday
i am
or am i not
FUCK! why you complicate my life so much
you are the person i love
i feel that cold sensation
on my chest always i think on you
same coldness puts me in shivers
and bring tears to my eyes..
i dont knwop what to do
i saw you on friday
i was dying to kiss you
to hug you just to be next to you all night long
nights could become sweet crimes
on weekend i went to the kamen
with a friend
he got me a cute ice cream necklace
i might believe he is interested
because he asked me to go out again
and at works is rather more than kind with me
comes visit me at any free time he have
I dont wanna be involved in more
romantic issues here
neko i want you
i need you
if you care
if you can
why are you not forward with me
why you say you want to chill
then write me you wanna be with me
your mind works in rather mysterious ways lil mouse
but i wait
im a good girl and i wait for you
whatever is the desition you take
i will
thank you
thank you for going on with me on friday
it was 2nd
it was so important to me
14 months since the happiest day of my life
i wish moments like those, ever end...
and i would be able to watch your sleep
all night long....
im doing nothing at work
i dont have system access
so i spend my days in aux 2
this leave me so much time to think of you
why do you do this
why did you got close to me
if after all i would only end hurted
because you know i want you back
i wont give up and ill ask you out next weekend
i will find a way
i promised i would be there
and i am
why dont you just look at me?
maybe just maybe
you are a dream
you are my dream
but dont worry
as long as i am alive
your my dream will continue
even if in my dream i am just behind the glass wall
this is my week so far
i wonder hows your week
love of my life
-------------------------------------sabrina-----------------------------
song of the week
monochrome no kiss by SID

En el momento en que la proxima aguja larga
alcance el techo
tu ya no estaras, y yo ya no sere nesesario.

Aun asi, estoy seguro de que buscabamos la forma del amor
mas que a lo lejano,
esos ojos marchitos se aferran al presente
de ser posible, me gustaria acabar atrapado de esa forma
en vano, ese deseo de la noche traera la mañana.

Quote of the week

The promise given was a necessity of the past: the word broken is a necessity of the present.
Niccolo Machiavelli