week8

this is week 8

nothing is harder

than standing memories

i see you in my dreams

i cry myself to sleep

i wish i could just dispatch my skin

wash it over and over

until the sickness wore away

the nausea have not passed away

at caritos b-day

one of my worst days

not only i had to see you

be next to you

i had to see him

my heart melted away

when you touched my hair

i miss you

so much

i remember the 20 fluoxetin

i had to swallow

just to stand this day

and the pizza

i had to talk with ran

cuz i was not comfortable in the

same table as you

and as him

sharing food

i hated that day

i want you here with me

why anyone hears me!?

i need you

i want you

this sickness cant stop!

i feel so disgusted

i told the issue to leo

he is a cold thinker

same reply as everyone else

well, isaac and kro

ran and carito kind of know

but not the complete history

life reinforce

the thoughs of my mind

the echoing voices

telling me

im worth nothing

a plastic doll

made to waste

a faulty prototype

a mold that needs to be destroyed

because nothing else

can be taken

you take my heart

and fabio took my sanity complete

raping the pieces of me

taking away the broken soul

remaining on me

i hate him!!!!!

i finally know what hate is!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i hate him!!!!!!

i am disgusted with the world!

and EVERY single one of the habitants

i hate life!!!!

my grandparents are sick

both of them

and i am the only one taking care of them!

and i am scared

but there is no one to hold me

isaac told me

carito was an ill intentioned friend

i had realized previously

but never believed she would be

dying to cause me harm

i know when i talked to ran

carito get mad

because he left her alone

on the table for a few minutes

i know i did wrong

i know i shouldnt lied to you

everytime i m scared

i do stupid things

but if i tried hard enough

would you be back??

could i be in your arms once more?

fairytales seem stupid and unreal

it hurts so much i cant even cry anymore

i have to always pretend

with a fucking fake smile

making everyone smile

im tired of this

but i have to keep on

for my grandparents

because me is all they have

at work im doing average i guess

not the best not the worst

however ppl never leave me alone

i always see your friend

victor looking at me

talking in whispers

everytime i am around

i am not going to ask why

i ask when will this end

until the day i die

i will spill my blood for you

cry my eves out

i have so many things to tell you

but you wont listen

you moved on

someone else posses your heart

i wonder what you did with mine?

probably deleted

all our photos

probably all the poems

are gone

all my gifts

in the trash can

and my heart

propably somewhere

rotten dead destroyed

and abandoned

whatever you do

wherever you go

my heart is with you

always was always will

and my heart

does no good to this body

in pieces, violated and disturbed

with no life

it will only contaminate the few good memories left

im slowly starving

i cant eat

im too disgusted to bring food to my mouth

i hate this solitude

i hate this mask i have to wear

i hate to pretenf

i am someone i am not

i finally know what hate is

i finally know what being alone

between mankind reallty is

this weeked i will stay at kro house

with isaac

kro mom is gone for the week

family issues i believe

is gonna be hard

cuz she worries about me

and she will make me eat and stuffs

right now my best friend is isaac

because he hear me

and conforts me

only by listening

and i do the same with him]

i need no advise

no comments

just someone to listen to me

while you are way

i wish your caress in my solitude

happy anniversary,

a year ago you possesed me

for the first time

and i gave myself to you

as you gave myself to me

do you remember the warmth of our bodies

moving together

at the rithm

of a hearthbeat

i wonder how is your week so far

love of my life?

----------------------Sabrina--------------------

Song of the week Wishing you were somehow here again by sarah brightman

Why can't the past just die?
Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
No more memories, no more 

Quote of the week 

“Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire.”

I wish someone  woulg visit me, so i wouldnt feel so abandoned.... i need human contact.... maybe...just maybe this is what it always meant to be, how it always ment to happen

week 7

week 7 since you walked away

wasted

used

plastic

this is how i feel

i saw you

i was high

i desired to be with you

but i cant be near

without having the coldness in my chest

the choking feeling

the nausea

the goosebumps

the tears i always have to hide

the bursting wished

the words i have to swallow

the pain clinching in my stomach

every day

every night

memories of us

come to my mind

my week was fine i guess

no, im not gonna lie

work is hard

i dont really like printers

nightmares always come back

this time more than ever

because i feel dirty

disgusted

with myself

after comming down at mt.s

we went to mcDonalds

they msitaken the order

and gave us more food

it was funny]

because we were really broke

after that

i went to isaac house

got changed to be at the masquerade

red dress, tight corse and the choker you loved, ballerinas and laces

goth make up with buterflies on the sides

a funny fact is that isaac's sister likes me,

she is lesbian

not my type though

anyway

we went to acid with fa

he drank

isaac too

me? not so much

we went to fabios house

isaac was so drunk

he slept in the bathroom floor

i had as always insomnia

so i was not able to sleep

in the middle of my thoughts

fa started to touch me

i stoped him until he was too rude for me to handle

he grabed me hard

and did whatever he wanted to...

with me...

no, it was not with me

it was TO me...

i feel used

i feeel dirty

i feel loveless

i am disgusted with everything

i cant eat

this nausea dont let me be

dont leave me alone

does not let me breath

where are you?

i need you

where are you

we miss you

carito, she said some stuffs

about her birthday

she does not want me to go

invites me because of randall

i dont want to go

where people dont want me to be

but... i have too

otherwise i will end

like the hateful one to ran...

you will be there right?

so is going to be fabio....

is not complicated mty life the way it is?

do i need even more complications?

isaac and kro are helping me to get through this

maybe as you say

i do parasite in people

i rely on them too much

maybe i just need to get away

right now thi is what i want

get away from people

so no one

can ever touch me

harm me

or hurt me

why do we have to craddle this pain

so real and so deep

hiding, always hidding

i wish you were here more than ever bby

i wish you loved me

because right now

i lost faith in the human kind....

congratulations for your car

makes my grieve a little lighter

to know you are doing fine

this is week 7 since you walked away

i wonder how was your week

sweet love of mine?

--------------------------sabrina-----------------

Song of the week a drop in the ocean by ron pope

A drop in the ocean A change in the weather I was praying that you and me might end up together It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven

Quote of the week

Walking, working, barely breathing
My thoughts, far away
Heart aching, mind racing
Sleep does not come easily, nor last long....
~Peter Winstanley

week6

Split
this is how i feel
shallow, confused, empty
split
i had a busy week, that is all i can say
your memory hunts me down every corner i look
the unpleasant feeling of urge and desperation
grows bigger, then fall asleep
just to come back stronger
is like waves,crashing powerfully
against some ill weak bones and skin
sometimes the sea is calm, but i am always swimming
always at the disposition of my own subcouncious self
to keep calm or just wake up
create a storm
hit my spirit from the insides
and the coldness crush my bones
i have been rather busy lately
at work, since i got the first step in the company
i made sure to get people away from me
is ironic one of your friends work at the same floor as i do
is a queer feeling
rather disturbing
since i got the first step in the company
i made sure my intentions were clear
i did not come here just to work
i came here to climb higher
at any cost
more work
less free time
less painful memories to be remembered
but always even through the eyes of other people
i see you all around me
your presence lingers here
like poison gas
burning me from the inside.
i bet you are doing fine
im happy for you
you are a prince
that deserve to be treated as such
i have been thinking
maybe over thinking
about the silence
my obsesion had become unpleasant
because i never get my so desired silence
there is always this crowd in my head
i barely sleep
i finally experiment hallucinations
with no drugs alcohol or medication in between
just the paranoia growing bigger
sometimes i feel i sit
and look at my body
do everything i was programmed to do
i feel how the lack of sleep makes imagery foggy
like walking in the darkness
i feel the physical pain
of gathering energy when there is none
and pushing my body to its very undiscovered limits
until i colapse
and this is when my mind show me the faces
horrible creatures
looking at me
guarding my few hours of sleep
you are always present in my dreams
my dry broken heart is alive enough to only scream your name in the darkness
the cells in my body only have strength to maintain the thorns pinching my bleeding soul sharp
and i dont wish it to be any different
im not happy
but i have my moments to think in this life now
to see more clear the path i chose
i dont have a carrier yet
but you will be surprisingly unpleased if yo could enter my head
even if i manage to shut the agony screams to bare audible whispers
the voices in my room the ones in my mind and the ones in my dreams have only one thing in common
fake smiles and skinny cheeks
shaking movements and clinching sounds
i see the blackness stirring outside my walls
would it cover me too?
sometimes i wonder why i see all this
insanity is the only explanation
so funny you blocked me on the msn
when i dont even talk to you
just to not bother you anymore baby
because thing are always your way
and with inocent hypocresy you tell me
whenever i need a friend
you will be right here...
promises are not something to be taken lightly...
havent you broke my heart enough?
is funny
i never ever dreamed of having my own photo expo
but i will, in july
i never imagined to film a documental
but here i am starting i june
i never dream that my poetry would be listen
instead of only heard
but it will...
life changes so fast sometimes i lose myself in space and time
i wonder if there is someone out there as lost and broken
sometimes i barely imagine anyone living this pain in solitude
but this is where i remember
rosemary feel it too in the same pain and solitude as i do
we barely speak, we barely act by will
its been six weeks since you walked away
leaving me numb and blue
i bet you are doing fine
sometimes i wonder if you hate me with he same intensity of my love;
then i remember that love and hate and twins
and i say what a beautiful tragedy they dance together
i wonder how you and your girl are doing
sweet love of mine? -------------------------------------SABRINA---------------------------
Song of the week: Silly Notes And Gypsy Clothe by ron pope

oh darling come home
cause winters alone are like punishments for things
that we haven't done wrong
and i know, time apart, it wont last

Quote of the week
There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there's nothing I can say to make her feel all right. anonimous

week5

voices
all i hear
on my head
noises
every one else
you may
think im insane
and hell yeah
i might be
but didnt i
warned you?
i tried
i tried
good intentions?
always denied
this is my world
now this is who i am
and where i belong
is ok if im not loved
anymore
is ok if im even
hated
i wait for your return
as a lover wait
for his dead husband
i know you are not coming back
if im not worth
one person like you
what am i worth of?
i have a disgrace
im resistant
to pills
to poison
to bruises
and slashes
looks like i am inmortal
would you shoot the bulled for me?
Would you pull the trigger on my heart?
maybe i could die
if you ask me to
or if you choke me
with your own hands
im fully awake
im losing it
i tried acids
lsd
last weekend
my mistake
i need to sleep
not to awake
i need you
your voice
your arms
any other
human being around me
is just disgusting
because they
all lie
you were the only
real one
so dont ask me
to forget
i listen to people
the typical "you are worth of so much"
they know nothing
im worth
what i have
and if dont have you
funny thing
im a plastic doll
made for you
or to be wasted
this is my week 5
without you
shame you dont like what you
see because this is me
i wish your return
and wait
as a widow awaits for his marine
even knowing
there were not survivors
at war
my week literally sucked
best part was the weekend i believe
i was with a good friend
distracting my mind from you
even though it was never posible
yesterday i celebrated
our first kiss annyversary
dancing under the rain
as my lips
only whispered your name
its been 5 weeks since you walked away
baby i hope you are doing fine
my ever after sweetheart
Song of the week
Hurt johnny cash
-"you are someone else im still right here"
Quote of the week
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allan Poe