week 31

This is week 31 since you walked away.
time goes by
so fast...
is hard to accept that you are not comming back
is dificult not to crumble at the look of those
cold eyes i have never seen before
and colder words
razor, thats all you are now
a blade that enjoys to cut my flesh to pieces
a bitter memory
just the ashes of who you were
i wonder why y ou even tried?
why you said you love me when u didnt!
why do i still have the will to wait
but to not to move on
violin strings
vibrate violenty
Slashin pieces of me in every pitch note
letters get impressed in paper
as stars dancing in the sky
even so i love you
even so i wait
Dont ask me to forgive
Dont ask me to forget
is the silence what is driving me insane
the coldness that will not go away
I work hard
doing many projects
so i can be with you maybe
someday
when you are tired of the world
we would meet again
and look at me
or just
pass next to me as an strager
wondering who was the girl with the bitter eyes
in her face that day as she walked in the street
31 weeks ago i felt what being broken really means
and the one time someone tried to fix me
you stepped in
giving me more ilusions
offering fake love
and requesting nothing in exchange
how could i let that offer pass!!?
taking it was one of the worst mistakes i made
a little ilusion of happiness
a night of liliums
beautiful, bittersweet, painful
as fate intended it to be
its been week 31 darling
i hope you are doing fine

-------------------------------Sabrina---------------------

Quote of the week
"My heart longs for you, my soul dies for you,
my eyes cry for you, my empty arms reach out for you."

Song of the week
With Or Without You U2
See the stone set in your eyes

See the thorn twist in your side.

I wait for you.

Sleight of hand and twist of fate

On a bed of nails she makes me wait

And I wait without you

With or without you

With or without you.

Through the storm, we reach the shore

You gave it all but I want more

And I’m waiting for you

With or without you

With or without you.

I can’t live with or without you.

And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away

And you give, and you give

And you give yourself away.

My hands are tied, my body bruised

She got me with nothing to win

And nothing else to lose.

And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away

And you give, and you give

And you give yourself away.

With or without you

With or without you

I can’t live

With or without you.

With or without you

With or without you

I can’t live

With or without you

With or without you.

week 30

this is week 30
i am sorry i say
anata ga inakute sabishii
the meaning i keep it to myself
why do you haunt me in my dreams
love me, or get out of my FUCKING DREAMS!
If i had a wish
ANY wish to be granted
knowing that i cann ot have you
because i cant force a feeling into your heart
i would like to ask
to completely loose my mind
my memories of everyone
my family mi friends myself
my life
be clustered
lifetime
in a cell
a mental hospital room
whatever
in 4 walls
finishing with my insanity transformation
i hold tight to a piece of paper and a pen
when y grind my teeth in my pain
thingking about you until i cry myself to sleep
sometimes waking up in the middle of the night
screaming your name
begging for salvation
asking for your forgiveness and redemption
she talks to me
everynight
deeper desires of destruction
even await in my dreams
i dont know who i am
holydays re comming
i already asked to work all december
if i could i would like to work 24 hours a day
i play hardmy violin
i train hard kick boxing
i write and read fearlessly
i fight everyday to break my back
doing anything i can
so i can be recognized
so maybe just maybe
you can look at me someday
if i become a succesful person
and important person
there are a lot more options
so i can find you again
also i work
llike a maniac
so i can save enough
to visit paris with my own eyes
with or without you
fairytales can have many endings
just "listen to my story..."
-------------------------------sabrina---------------------------
song of the week U2 I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For Lyrics
I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running
You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...


quote of the week
"is not over, on my side is never over" by me

29 week

This is week 29 since you walked away
i keep wondering
why? why must you do this?
did i not mean something
ever meant?
i was hoping
a text msj
for my b day
nothing would have make me happier.
why, when you see i was trying to move
with Arend, or with Andre
when i was just giving babu steps
trying to forget you
you drown me back to the darkness
right to the bottom i was
you came destroyed everything i had done
just to laugh and walk away again
you stole my smile
you corrupted my soul
what i am now?
do you hate me that much you had to erase me
from msn and FB
to stop talking to me
people have done so much worse things
still you are closer to them
than closer to me
i wont beg you to be back with me
not anymore
i wont stalk you either
i wont visit you i wont even talk to you
i just want to know if you are ok
i just want to see if you are happy
otherwise
to do everything in my power to deliver this happiness
anonymously
i am just a cold heart
tied to the memories
leo wrote me a birthday card
called the link
is the most accurate thing i have
ever heard about me
i hated my b day cuz you were not there
yeah sure i can say wow it was awesome the beach and shit
but i just cant decide
if this world is too beautifulo for me
or if i am too beautiful for this world
and i dont mean by the looks
i stop believing
i stoped caring
still i wait
until i die from a broken heart
i will wait and yearn you
and your lingering memory

-------------------------sabrina--------------------------
song AND quote of the week by l30

taken from The link:
"I’ve know you for a long time now, and I know you very well, specially, because I know myself. I can see myself in you, or at least the shadow of what I used to be. I know your heart is broken and aching, because my heart is broken too. It’s been broken for a long time. I know what it is like not being able to forget someone, not being able to stop wanting that person anymore. To stop viciously fantasizing with the taste of her lips kissing yours. Not being able to cleanse your heart from a non returned lover. Having to deal with rejection, and surrendering to melancholic inertia. It’s like falling in love with a mythical creature, one that does not really exist, and will never be able to even speak to you with real words.

I know sometimes in the night you look for something in the darkness, something you are not able to find between your empty cold sheets, and so you cry instead of sleeping, you fear instead of dreaming. Those long lonely nights torturing you with memories, and “what if?”s and “what will be?”s, tearing your heart in solitude and emptiness.

I know that sometimes when you smile, a drop of pain struggles to wipe your smile away, and you have to fight to keep smiling among your friends.

I know what it is like to love your friends with all your heart, because their the only reason keeping you away from completely falling apart, locking yourself up in your messy bedroom, hiding from the world until everything just ends. But you don’t want to depend on them either, and there’s so many things you hide from them, just to not make them worry for you. Just to give them some peace of mind.

I know sometimes your forced to be somebody else, because your mind cant handle so much within one single personality, and sometimes its humiliating, and anguishing to be considered a faker or mentally ill by those who will never understand the odd experiences of a tormented mind. I understand what it is like to be left alone with your own mind playing tricks on you, your own mind as your enemy, trying to crack you up. I know how it is like to be agonizing in silence, hating yourself, the reflection on the mirror, that mimic you can barely recognize, blaming yourself for not being good enough to rise upon the others, not being good enough for the one you love, not being good enough for yourself. I know what it is like to feel like a soul that will never belong to a world that feeds with hate, a world with no place for those who are different. Those who think live and love differently than the great human mass. The human hatters, pointing their fingers at you, laughing, fighting, trying to push you against the corner, trying to make you look miserable, week, and depressed, so they can feed their insecure dried up hearts with your misery, as their pleasure is your pain. I know the feeling of not belonging to anything anymore, to have your dreams taken from you. To have nothing else to look up for in this life. The hope of someday becoming a lonely star at the very end of our galaxy, to create our own worlds, with our own rules."

week 28

your smile hunte me down
i was nice hoping and believing
i was calm thinking that maybe someday
if i tried hard enough
you would look at me
why are u so cruel
why you gave me hope taske it away then
give me hope again
just to ive me my final blow
i3 finally know what u mean by
"i wont answer that"
when i asked you if that night together changed something
and you know what it even worse?
no matter how hard i try
i will never stop feeling
i will never stop loving
if i had one wish
just one
i wuld pick to loose my memory
lose my memories of you
because they kill
i wont quit
im loyal to my muse
as i am loyal to my word
i will wait
i love you
like i believe no one ever did before
and never will
because if you asked me to take my life away
what i would nt do to see you happy?
is true i dont want you as a friends
how could i ?
dont you see how cruel it is?
but i want to see you around
just to make sure ure doing fine
and if not help you
teh best way i can
give you whatever makes you happpy
it hurts me to know this is your choice
yo know my mistake never had your forgiveness
even when yours were forgotten a long yime ago
why it hurts even more than before?
if you want to be left alone
fine you wont see me again
but dont spect em to dissapear
ill be just behind the wall
as i have always been
i know you wont go to my bday
maybe is better
i dont need to build more memories
that will only hunt me down
no one ever would love u like i did
like i do
like i will keep doing
i know it
im not saying im the best around
but
i know a broken heart can hate
as much as it can love
and can leeploving
even after broken
i will wait
so maybe someday
you realize this
and give me a chance
i will go away
to run from the pain
but cant do the same
with my memories of you
so i just can keep writting
on this filthy blog
and hide my tears
between this 4 walls
i love you my muse
amd i actually really mean it.
its been week 28 since you walked away
i know you are doing fine
love of my life

quote of the week

# The worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned


song of the week
The time is close now, the end is near
My walk through the valley, trails of fear
I feel empty, my penance overdue,
I guess it's too late now to be with you
I'm extremely frightened of what will surely be
I sold myself, the death of me
I know you can't forgive me I know I'm on my own,
I've betrayed you I walk alone

What exactly is the meaning of this
Just pawns in your twisted game
Severe pain for the lie I'm livin'
For a love I never could betray

[Bridge]
Question me not say the lord unto thee
You have chosen your own faith and your own destiny
Denied of this life is what you are to be
You have chosen your own faith and your own destiny

Lord I pound my fists at you
Won't you just let me die
Would I not suffer enough
No inner peace no after life

[Repeat Bridge]

I did what I thought was right
All for the love of my life
I know it's sad but true
Something is very wrong
Condemned to suffer so long
For a love so true

The question that lies within
Is so hard to understand
It still tears at me
And in my dying breath
My heart holds no regrets
I wouldn't change a thing

My spirit begins to rise to the heavenly skies
Just to be shunned away by you
Now all I want is to die, no streets of gold in the sky
And I wash my hands of you

[Bridge]
Rising to the heaven's light
Just to plead for death
Just to be denied

Rising to the heaven's light
Just to plead for death
Just to be denied

Ooohhh, I know you can't forgive me
I know I'm on my own
I know that I've betrayed you
You know I walk alone
You know I walk alone

I walk, I walk the trail of fear
I pound my fists at you
I'm shunned away by you
I wash my hands of you

Why won't you let me die
Why won't you let me die
Why won't you let me die

week 27

My birthday is acoming as october is starting
i am so hopeful trying hard to reach you
i sincerely hope you can make it to my b day
because that would be my best present ever
i want to see you
but ure not here
ure never around
no matter how hard i try
poems and kindness are not the way to your heart anymore
if i only knew then what is tha way to your heart for me
so i can be again in your hands
being warmed by your arms
because weather is getting colder
and im so tired of sleeping at night alone
is so cold
but i rather learn how to sleep with thw coldness
for the rest of my life
Andre told me something that left me thinking
i postd some old piks
at FB
when i was with you
he siad " you looked way too different"
me "why"
you seem... happy.
as well other people have told me when i smile
i have a sad aura around me
you stole my smile
you stole my soul
please
just please
bring it back
if you may
this is week 27 since you walked away.

i know ure doing fiine
love of my life

quote of the week

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

You are never a looser until you quit trying.

Pray to God, sailor, but row for the shore.

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9


song of the week

Summer Is Gone Lyrics

Cigarettes and innocence are scattered on the floor
It's the first of October and the summer is gone
You can't walk away and try claim that none of this was real
Sometimes autumn is confusing and I know exactly how you feel

And somewhere you want to go from here
Well I'd rather learn to sleep alone
And I swear I die inside some nights as the winter comes on
'Cause the summer is gone

Children's games
Freezing rain
And Carolina nights get confused out in Brooklyn where promises die
You can contemplate and half explain
And justify yourself to anyone who wants to listen
If your answers seem heartfelt

And somewhere you want to go from here
Well I'd rather learn to sleep alone
And I swear I die inside some nights as the winter comes on
'Cause the summer is gone

No one believes all the truth that you have while you dream
And no one believes
And no one believes so please just stop screaming at me
Won't you please just stop screaming at me
Won't you please just stop screaming at me
Won't you please just stop screaming at me
Won't you please just stop screaming at me

Wherever you want to go from here
Well I hope you learn to sleep alone
And I pray you die inside some nights as the winter comes on
'Cause the summer is gone

Oh
The summer is gone
Oh
The summer is gone
Oh
The summer is gone