Week 4

Hi darling, i hope you are doing fine
the feelings of pain and sorrow inside me are sleeping
i know is not the best way
but i need to maintain myself asleep
with drugs, pills, alcohol, whatever i can find
i know im slowly killing myself
as soon as i start feeling my body
the pain always come back
i was wishing you so much at Alito´s party
i felt so full with hope when you tried to kiss me
and touched me
but ...i know you
if i did something
you will probably act cold at morning
and nothing would change
and i would be even more hurt ed
i wonder if you still have feelings for me
wondering hurts
I hope your girl treats you well
I don't wish your heart be broken again
but you know
you will always have a heart that belongs to you
mine...
How was your week so far?
Im doing fine i guess
i remain asleep
sometimes walking under the rain
others just lying on my bed
did i told you i got fired?
yeah they told me the account was overstaffed
I cant be with nothing to do
i need to keep myself busy
so i can not think of you
i will start in HP in may
Destiny is kind of cruel dont you think?
I will work in the same company as you
so maybe i will see you around
how the fuck will i take
the sight of you
when im working and im not asleep
I have went out with different guys
why every one likes me?
they dont get i want to be alone?
i want you to be my last first kiss
until i die
time is supposed to heal me
baby let me tell you for my is doing worse
nightmares don't stop
every time i trip
i see you next to me
i hear your voice
i feel your touch
Im becoming insane
sometimes i wonder
if tomorrow is worth of living
im still waiting my kitten
i wont let you go
i know is not healthy
i know it will bring more pain
but a promise is a promise
i will never break mines
is funny
i finally decided my tattoo art
is going to be a pair of broken wings in my back
the design is kind of Greek
i lost my cellphone
so i probably get a new one with my next payment
im feeling lonely
i lost all the texts you send me
i havent erased one since i got that phone
i liked to read
how much you used to love me
my kitten
i would shed every drop of blood
just to be in your arms once more
its been 4 weeks since you walked away
i bet you are doing great
im happy for you honey
your pain is my pain
and i got enough weight on my back right now
i miss you
my brokenhearted self
is screaming your name
remember the video i made
you never saw it
its on youtube
tomorrow it would be our monthversary 11th
i will drop a white rose in your front door
every 30th i will
until my heart stop aching for this pain
as long as i wait for your return
i wait, hopelessly wait
because i know you moved on
but im stuck here
because that was my choise
im giving myself to the insanity
and i decided you are the one to free me
you are not coming
thats more than clear
but remember
i live in my own world
and in my world
i am the princess
and you my prince
living happily ever after
dancing between fireflies.
its been 4 weeks since you left me broken hearted
i wonder how was your week
sweet love of mine???
-----SONG OF THE WEEK---------Hello alone- amberlin.
"All I need is ten cents for the bullet
I feel helpless, sleeping at best, waiting for your return
Are you ever coming home?"
----QUOTE OF THE WEEK-----
As I sit awake and in the middle of the night,
I'm thinking of all the things I should have said before you left,
and maybe, just maybe, you'd still be here.

Week 3

Dreams
all i had to shield from the pain
had became the reason of my insomnia
every night i dream of you
I began my transformation
is like being in a cliff staring down the abyss
the salty wind caress my skin
my mind play tricks
always mess with me
sometimes i hear your voice at night
i feel your touch the unique way you used to touch me
i can smell your cologne every morning on my pillow
and i can hear you breathing at night next to me
i dream every night
sometimes i run for you
sometimes from you
sometimes you save me
sometimes i chase you
sometimes i am being chased
sometimes i save you
sometimes i kiss you
sometimes we fight
but you are always there
the smell of your perfume caress my nights
when i close my eyes is you i see
I see edelweiss
and forests
and fireflies
i see roses
i see you
its been 3 weeks since you walked away
from what i have heard you are doing just fine
looks like you are better off without me
some people even say you have already replaced me
is funny how love can be forgotten in a few days
and in other cases
just get bigger with the distance
i wait but not hope
i love you
i will always do
i am here living in my own private hell
there are so many things i want to tell you
at work im doing fine
i have more tasks because i need to be busy and dont think about you
but is just not possible you are my first sight at morning
and my last though at night
your laugh still echoes in this 4 walls
im just ordering my room
and i put your memories in a black box
and hide it under my bed
is like your grave you know?
My daddy was at the hospital
My mom is also not doing so fine
but i have t be strong
even when you are gone
i have to keep on trying because of them
in ten days we will have a montversary
I will have a monthversary, for you... i dont even know if you care, anymore
I can go and dance with the fireflies alone
just like almost a year ago
you can see fireflies at night
i was at the mt. last week
Issaac and I went to the river to talk
i needed to hear someone
so i can escape from the echoing voice in my head
looks like guys dont understand
im a doll heartless
i want no one near me
i dont need a lover
i dont want to be hurted
i need my love back but you already moved on
i like to think
i was frozen
For me it is march 29th 2010 forever
Rainy season is starting
i was already invited to dance in the windy storms
back at the anthena where i always go
When i want to be alone
Rain washes my pain away
because i can freely cry
and scream and yell your name
its been 3 weeks since you walked away
its been a though week honey
but im just holding on
and waiting
even though the person i wait will never come
i miss you
i wonder how was your week honey ---------------------Sabrina-----------------------------------
Song of the week "fireflies " by ron pope "things never last, That's why fireflies flash."
Quote of the week ""Maybe one day I'll be able to tear away a part of me and let you go.""

By the way... 25 months ago i saw you for the first time, remember the night we walked under the city lights, everywhere is full of memories of you.

week 2

is funny, i have so many things to tell you but you are not here anymore Im finally fulfilling my dream and learning to play violin you know why i always wanted to play violin? so i can play suteki da ne for you No one can understand the song as we did now the song is a painful memory of what can never be at work? im doing great im really improving, my boss always congratulate me i try to keep myself busy to stop thinking about you as soon as i am alone walking in the street, or at home the sensation of choking always came i tried to suicide too many times Prana, or the Karma or God whatever you want to call it Does not want me to leave the earth I still wait for you Do you feel my pain at night? do you scream and have horrible nightmares night after night? I remember you as you were when i first kiss you i have the fake memory of you being buried in a coffin so i can accept you are not coming back i wanted to believe you died loving me but i know you are there feeling nothing for me as i die for you here Im redecorating my room i swear you would have loved it i painted the wall black with neon green and pink my favorite colors remember? i got rid of my toys im just growing up... i bought a home theater to match my 42" plasma TV im buying a ps3 maybe we can play online sometime i have to get a gaming router Mine have so many devices connected that will collapse soon you would be so proud of me i can finally talk like a geek and techie just like you did im planning to get an air conditioner soon as well my room is very hot and painted in black is worse i bought a puff so i can be confortable playing i finished my design of the tattoo maybe i will show it to you i have to go to the center but im so afraid of seeing you even by mistake i know i would run away i know i would cry like fool and collapse but i don't care behaving as an insane kid i always did Its been weeks since i heard Rosemary She is not talking Not even cursing me and you Sometimes i believe You left me because of my multiple personality disorder Candie does not want to be called like that anymore i think its because you named her as i told you "i avenge with surviving only" not even living just surviving every night every horrible dream i think sometimes i had better stood in the mental hospital I blame myself for everything deep myself i know i did i would die to see you to kiss you to touch you because in my memories you are so real this is the second week since you walked away im taking care of myself but i keep the would bleeding out inside hurts worse every day gets painfuller every second but i love you and if i have to live with pain or to let your memory die i chose pain i chose to be miserable and lonely Hell is to wait without hope i chose hell i chose to wait i chose to love you I wonder how your week was sweet love of mine? -------------sabrina-----------
Song of the week: Follow you into the dark (originally by death cab for a cuttie, i hear version by kate covington) "If there's no one beside you When your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark" Quote of the week: «L'enfer, c'est l'attente sans espoir.» [ André Giroux ] - Malgré tout, la joie

Week 1

Im sorry i did not write last week
I love you and i would never forget...
Its been one week when i last saw you

i have to act cold

so you can not hurt me anymore

but i miss you

i check my email and cellphone

waiting for you to call me back

still is always empty

i had so many things to say

when i tried to say good bye

But your cold gaze

delete every word from my mind

im gonna take your advise

im gonna go on

im gonna continue breathing

if anyone ask me

i hate you

deep inside

i know

hate is not

something my heart can hold

the note i gave you

speak the only truth

i wish you the best

i promise to wait

Everyplace is filled with memories

I do everything to forget

i bleed i trip i scream

i shut i run i fade

or at least to ease this coldness

i finally believe what is like to have my heart broken

there is a coldness in my lungs like cold air burning me

the coldness in the chest gets bigger

until it reach my shoulders

go down to the fingertips

and then down the spine

gets to my toes

leaving me paralized

then my stomach clinches in pain

and the scream burning my throat

starts to choke me

leaving me numb and hurted

leaving my eyes watery and my cheeks red and teary

i grind my teeth to be as quiet as possible

until i can get back to myself

and hide the pain

again
I tried to kill myself
and was in the hospital for 5 horrible days

this is my first letter since we are appart

i hope you are doing fine

im trying to survive

and wait hopelessly for something

that will never come to me

you.
I wonder how is your week darling?

---------------------------sabrina---------------------
Song of the Week: Think of you by a fine frenzy
"Just to put your mind at ease
You don't owe me anything
You paid me well in memories"

Quote of the week: "As soon as forever is through, I'll be over you"

Letters...

I wish I could say
How much I care for you
But I don't know how
So here's what I'll do

I'll write you a letter
Saying what I've been through
week after week
Always thinking of you
I don't see you much
But if I do it makes me cry
So I'll write to you

Without a lie
I'll say that I love you
The first line that I write
So you instantly know At your first sght

I'll say that I dream
I'll say that I fly
And without you
I'd probably die

I'll say that I smile
As I write you the note
I'll say that I
wished I could wear your big hug

I'll say that whenever
I close my eyes
I see you face
It never dies

I'll say that you're perfect
In every possible way
That I wish I could hold you
Every single day

I'll say that I wish
You were here with me
But it's crazy beacuse
I know you can't be

Do you think about me?
Or did you forget?
The things we had done?
And the goals we had set?