29 week

This is week 29 since you walked away
i keep wondering
why? why must you do this?
did i not mean something
ever meant?
i was hoping
a text msj
for my b day
nothing would have make me happier.
why, when you see i was trying to move
with Arend, or with Andre
when i was just giving babu steps
trying to forget you
you drown me back to the darkness
right to the bottom i was
you came destroyed everything i had done
just to laugh and walk away again
you stole my smile
you corrupted my soul
what i am now?
do you hate me that much you had to erase me
from msn and FB
to stop talking to me
people have done so much worse things
still you are closer to them
than closer to me
i wont beg you to be back with me
not anymore
i wont stalk you either
i wont visit you i wont even talk to you
i just want to know if you are ok
i just want to see if you are happy
otherwise
to do everything in my power to deliver this happiness
anonymously
i am just a cold heart
tied to the memories
leo wrote me a birthday card
called the link
is the most accurate thing i have
ever heard about me
i hated my b day cuz you were not there
yeah sure i can say wow it was awesome the beach and shit
but i just cant decide
if this world is too beautifulo for me
or if i am too beautiful for this world
and i dont mean by the looks
i stop believing
i stoped caring
still i wait
until i die from a broken heart
i will wait and yearn you
and your lingering memory

-------------------------sabrina--------------------------
song AND quote of the week by l30

taken from The link:
"I’ve know you for a long time now, and I know you very well, specially, because I know myself. I can see myself in you, or at least the shadow of what I used to be. I know your heart is broken and aching, because my heart is broken too. It’s been broken for a long time. I know what it is like not being able to forget someone, not being able to stop wanting that person anymore. To stop viciously fantasizing with the taste of her lips kissing yours. Not being able to cleanse your heart from a non returned lover. Having to deal with rejection, and surrendering to melancholic inertia. It’s like falling in love with a mythical creature, one that does not really exist, and will never be able to even speak to you with real words.

I know sometimes in the night you look for something in the darkness, something you are not able to find between your empty cold sheets, and so you cry instead of sleeping, you fear instead of dreaming. Those long lonely nights torturing you with memories, and “what if?”s and “what will be?”s, tearing your heart in solitude and emptiness.

I know that sometimes when you smile, a drop of pain struggles to wipe your smile away, and you have to fight to keep smiling among your friends.

I know what it is like to love your friends with all your heart, because their the only reason keeping you away from completely falling apart, locking yourself up in your messy bedroom, hiding from the world until everything just ends. But you don’t want to depend on them either, and there’s so many things you hide from them, just to not make them worry for you. Just to give them some peace of mind.

I know sometimes your forced to be somebody else, because your mind cant handle so much within one single personality, and sometimes its humiliating, and anguishing to be considered a faker or mentally ill by those who will never understand the odd experiences of a tormented mind. I understand what it is like to be left alone with your own mind playing tricks on you, your own mind as your enemy, trying to crack you up. I know how it is like to be agonizing in silence, hating yourself, the reflection on the mirror, that mimic you can barely recognize, blaming yourself for not being good enough to rise upon the others, not being good enough for the one you love, not being good enough for yourself. I know what it is like to feel like a soul that will never belong to a world that feeds with hate, a world with no place for those who are different. Those who think live and love differently than the great human mass. The human hatters, pointing their fingers at you, laughing, fighting, trying to push you against the corner, trying to make you look miserable, week, and depressed, so they can feed their insecure dried up hearts with your misery, as their pleasure is your pain. I know the feeling of not belonging to anything anymore, to have your dreams taken from you. To have nothing else to look up for in this life. The hope of someday becoming a lonely star at the very end of our galaxy, to create our own worlds, with our own rules."