week6

Split
this is how i feel
shallow, confused, empty
split
i had a busy week, that is all i can say
your memory hunts me down every corner i look
the unpleasant feeling of urge and desperation
grows bigger, then fall asleep
just to come back stronger
is like waves,crashing powerfully
against some ill weak bones and skin
sometimes the sea is calm, but i am always swimming
always at the disposition of my own subcouncious self
to keep calm or just wake up
create a storm
hit my spirit from the insides
and the coldness crush my bones
i have been rather busy lately
at work, since i got the first step in the company
i made sure to get people away from me
is ironic one of your friends work at the same floor as i do
is a queer feeling
rather disturbing
since i got the first step in the company
i made sure my intentions were clear
i did not come here just to work
i came here to climb higher
at any cost
more work
less free time
less painful memories to be remembered
but always even through the eyes of other people
i see you all around me
your presence lingers here
like poison gas
burning me from the inside.
i bet you are doing fine
im happy for you
you are a prince
that deserve to be treated as such
i have been thinking
maybe over thinking
about the silence
my obsesion had become unpleasant
because i never get my so desired silence
there is always this crowd in my head
i barely sleep
i finally experiment hallucinations
with no drugs alcohol or medication in between
just the paranoia growing bigger
sometimes i feel i sit
and look at my body
do everything i was programmed to do
i feel how the lack of sleep makes imagery foggy
like walking in the darkness
i feel the physical pain
of gathering energy when there is none
and pushing my body to its very undiscovered limits
until i colapse
and this is when my mind show me the faces
horrible creatures
looking at me
guarding my few hours of sleep
you are always present in my dreams
my dry broken heart is alive enough to only scream your name in the darkness
the cells in my body only have strength to maintain the thorns pinching my bleeding soul sharp
and i dont wish it to be any different
im not happy
but i have my moments to think in this life now
to see more clear the path i chose
i dont have a carrier yet
but you will be surprisingly unpleased if yo could enter my head
even if i manage to shut the agony screams to bare audible whispers
the voices in my room the ones in my mind and the ones in my dreams have only one thing in common
fake smiles and skinny cheeks
shaking movements and clinching sounds
i see the blackness stirring outside my walls
would it cover me too?
sometimes i wonder why i see all this
insanity is the only explanation
so funny you blocked me on the msn
when i dont even talk to you
just to not bother you anymore baby
because thing are always your way
and with inocent hypocresy you tell me
whenever i need a friend
you will be right here...
promises are not something to be taken lightly...
havent you broke my heart enough?
is funny
i never ever dreamed of having my own photo expo
but i will, in july
i never imagined to film a documental
but here i am starting i june
i never dream that my poetry would be listen
instead of only heard
but it will...
life changes so fast sometimes i lose myself in space and time
i wonder if there is someone out there as lost and broken
sometimes i barely imagine anyone living this pain in solitude
but this is where i remember
rosemary feel it too in the same pain and solitude as i do
we barely speak, we barely act by will
its been six weeks since you walked away
leaving me numb and blue
i bet you are doing fine
sometimes i wonder if you hate me with he same intensity of my love;
then i remember that love and hate and twins
and i say what a beautiful tragedy they dance together
i wonder how you and your girl are doing
sweet love of mine? -------------------------------------SABRINA---------------------------
Song of the week: Silly Notes And Gypsy Clothe by ron pope

oh darling come home
cause winters alone are like punishments for things
that we haven't done wrong
and i know, time apart, it wont last

Quote of the week
There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there's nothing I can say to make her feel all right. anonimous