week19

week 19
19 weeks since you cut the lace
its been 6 months
its been 186 days since everything started
should i count hours and minutes?
ive been waking up a lot lately
i feel like going away again,
running away from people
i have cried a lot again as well
i miss you...
liliums only make me remember your name
what do i have to do
for you to look at me
i cry form my insides
just for that warm huig that never reaches me
im just crying my6 eyes out to feel
your lips colliding to mines
Victor told me to dissapear from your life
im trying to
but your memory just call me back
call me to my field of fireflies and sweet smells
Im not half of the person i used to be
Im not half the person you remember
if i couldnt keep you then
how do i pretend
why do i even pretend to try?
Im just a shelf Doll
Everyday i try to see the daylight
but all i see is the sun, burning my skin from my insides
blood lust cover my nights
as all i think is in blank
and my heart feel numbness untill i finally
from exhaustation
fall sleep
Im working hard to be better
so maybe just maybe
you can look at me
but
all i do is getting away from home
i will never ahve a home
beliefs taught me
home is where your loved ones are
my loved one is far from me
all i have is 4 empty walls
and faint memories
and a scream inside my throat
that burns me,
desperatedly trying to choke upon my name
i just look at the stars everynight
wishing you are well
wishing you are happy
I just cant wish for you to be here
if i no longer am able to return the cheerful smile in your face
and that beautiful bright of your eyes
im kind of sick right now
im freezing and with Fever
so probably im just babling around
but
in my dreams
all i want is to be next to you
i wait for rain to fall
so my cheeks wont look so wet by tears
i dont even know who i am anymore
is like walking i the middle of the mist
seeing a shadow that always keeps its distance
never reaching for it
im a doll
im a doll
im a shelf doll
empty inside
spirited crushed inside
just a blank mask
I miss you....
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Song of the week From Autumn to Ashes : All I Taste Today Is What's Her Name

The tears suspend.
Smiles are not more than (empty love)
Locked doors can keep you alone
Forever paint words (from your lips) in a house that's no longer your home
Take the dreams I know (as my own) and it worsens weekends
Thanks again for my misery. And you run with fake friends
I'm sick of your sad songs and sing alongs.
I kind of like it when things are wrong.
Straight from left end,
They'll shout corrections,
And I'll decline, I'll decline
A source of comfort or some protection
And I'll decline


Quote of the week:

I think I'm much less self confident today. I actually went through a quite painful period because of that thinking that I was completely hopeless. But I think that's something that we all go through at various times of our lives and it was quite a sustained thing with me.
Hugo Weaving