week20

this is my 20ths week crying
silently crying
This week was quite a mess
quite a mess
Choco got terribly mad at me
because i mentioned him
i liked his friend Andre
he, is just a nice person
i really like him
everyone told me he is up to no good
but who cares
if someone plays with me again
i know what is the protocol
weep some months
pull myself together
then go out again into the world
so the next idiot can break me down
i really hope
i dont get broken hearted again
not so fast
because im not done
gathering the pieces of me around
anyway
i like Andre
even when the objects of my nightmares
is you
last weekend
i stood with him
i had a nice weekend
for once in a while
i was really stressed last saturday
because he asked me to go to Acid bar ith him
Fabio is always at acid
thats bastard
i swear i wouldnt mind to get my hands dirty
just to catch him
for all he did to me
i still feel dirty
i still feel sick
the nausea wont wash away
and i guess
if i dont take care of myself
no oneat this point will
about Arend....
He said good bye
i warned him
hell i tried to warn him
that i was a bad person
that i wanted nothing more than a friendship
i tried
but at the end
he chose the path i chose too
and ended broken hearted
maybe is a clue that i would be broken hearted soon too
leo told me being pretty is a curse
i dont even consider myself a pretty girl
i see thousands of defects in myself
otherwise if i were as perfect as he said
you wouldnt had walked away
i have been in this nightmares again
almost every night again
with the paralyzis again
i cry here in my room at night
so when sun rises
i have the strength to smile
endure
and keep up to other peoples spectations
still
i wait
whenever you are tired of everything
ill be right here
ill be right here waiting
i will not be around
so you keep rejecting me and hurting me
all you will know about me
is just a lilium scented shadow
swift, random, sporadic, silent
a faceless ghost
until you decide is time
to stop playing around
maybe all your life you will play
maybe some day you will wake up
and realize the dream is gone
when everyone else
let you down
ill be here
right here
i am the hand you dont want to take
but mine is the hand that will be first avaliable
is 345 am
i saw the pik in facebook
of you in code
this is all i am
a ghost in your past.
my feelings have not changed
ever since we danced under fireflies.
i miss you
i wish you would come back
but
i guess im just too low life
to be worth even looking at anymore.

Song of the week day light by ron pope
I've seen sad
Dark times
And I have waited for the sun to rise

I've seen sad
Dark times
And waited for rain
All I know is whenever I am far from home
There are nights when words seem out of place

Ba da da

I have walked alone and the stars have tried to guide me home

I have walked alone
Lost in the fog
All I find are faded pictures from a distant life
And I wish to God I could see your eyes

Ba da da

I ain't got no magic potion
All I know is that we're better of together than we ever were alone
So if you let me try
Just give me time,
Oh
Woman I will find a way to help you ease your troubled mind

Ba da da

If the morning comes I'll be thankful just to see the sun
But the daylight seems so far away

Ba da da


quote of the week
A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?
Kahlil Gibran