week21

this is week 21 since you left
I am seeying someone else
Im kind of dating someone
but there is you in my mind
even when i try to push you away
i like that person
he makes me feel just allright
but everytime i stop looking
into0 the eyes of that person
is you who comes to my mind
what do i do?
what do i do to stop this?
is not fair for him
but im not so strong to continue
i need to take you out
this does not mean to stop loving you
just to move your memory to the back of my heart
this week so many things happened
i dont think this week you even
notized the blood red carnation
or maybe you did and you just dont care
i saw piks of you in luna
i dont understand why i seek to hurt myself even more
im trapped, caged, hidden
in this 4 walls
Sometimes i stay in the same position
of minutes
even hours
a blank stare
im pretty darn good in pretending to be a Doll
even in public
just a lifeless broken doll
why you do this, mind on fine?
i miss him
i miss you neko
saturday last week i did nothing
just stood at home
on sunday i visited Andre
the person i like
the person i date
i can only see him on weekends because
he works at night
at hp...how Ironic
Arend hates me
he does not even talk to me
thios week was hell
avoiding him on the hal;l
trying to hide
but at the very least
i dont have to worry about things i do might affect him
he wrote some kind of letter
24 pages long
explaining so many things
i showed it to isac
he stated "bullshit, everything on this letters is bullshit, he was a jelous posessive person with you, he did this just to make you feel bad about you looking for your happiness, for once, you can be with whoever you may and ill be ok, because is you" or something like that
thats why i trust so much in Issaac
he tells the awful truth the way it is
at the end we both laughed
neko i miss you
this week
from switzerland
seeds arrived
i asked for edelweiss seeds
so i can plant them and grow them on my own
fuck, ill plant them and grow them and they will be flowers
and when i got a flower
it would be somehow delivered
and im no promising athing
cuz shit im tired of promising
im tired of promises
that are ALWAYS broken
while im stuck here
keeping mines
everywhere i go
is completely full of memories
what do i have to do, damn it?
so i can have u back
i dont want, i just cant and i wont be on your way
but oh how i do miss you!
if someday ure just tired of everything
when everyone had let you down
ill be right here
if only
you called me
use me
just use me
when ure sick
use me
ill take care of you
when you are tired
sad
had a bad day
use me
i just want to be close to you
randall... always talks to me
happy of how great his job is
next to you
it hurt me
im happy for him
but i just dont wanna talk about it
We agreed to meet this sunday
but im just gonna hide
im envous
he can see you always
while is me who literally mourns
for you, for your simple presence
because means talking bout you
i miss you
fuck i miss you
i just wait
i wanna be in complete numbness
i say for me is easy to be a doll
an accesory for people
but it required to keep this constant numbness
this numbness state tire me
wash my energy
and happiness away
my whole sanity
this is week 21
since you walked away
i wonder how you are doing
sweet love of mine

Sabrina
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Quote of the week:
"It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands."


song of the week
Numb by linkin park
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
?Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be