week12

Confused...
why am i doing this to myself?
this last days
watching the rain falling
would i grieve what have no name?
would i bleed you to death?
I was kind of hurted this week
i kind of waited you called
this weekend
happened many things, so fast.
shivah dies, literally in my arms
death is a cold, sweet deliverer
is the agony that scars the soul.
is the agony who laughs and enjoys looking down
no mercy
no sound
no last breath
is weird
how the same second your heart stops beating
the coldness spread all over your body
and sudenly you are free, no more pain
no more tears, no more anything....
it is an awfully cold night,this one
i have been in a very bad mood actually, with everyone
i guess the lack of sleep is finally working on me
i am eating better at least
and I am doing better at job
next week i will have the uats
certificationcalls
pff why everyone says i will do fine
why everyone just think i know everything
and take me for granted
I MUST do fine
sometimes i push myself too much
but is ust because i am stubborn
on saturday i went to multiplaza with isaac and leo
we had gelatto
kind of reminded me of us
i suddenly feel not too fond of multiplaza
why your memory have to be everywhere?
at work
i developed an adiction
to foogos, the smothies they sell
in the floor they always ask for smoothies
i changed my foods to one strawberry cranberry smoothie
not so healty but better than nothing
Sometimes i sit in my room
and think about leo
he is so like me
He is so what i used to be
always scared of hurting people
the people he love
and not being him who hurt them
i know who it is
and i wish i could help him better
but, She does not talk anymore
is funny, he hates me, as much as he loves me
i wish i was a better friend to him
Sometimes i wish even
because i know he deserve it
i wish i could share his feelings
but again
Im a stubborn hag
and Im done with Lies.
I had again the dream
well, is always not the same
but a white horse
the autumn
and me, caged
and i remember the conversation
about the white horse in my dreams we had
I wake up always cold
I long your hugs more than anything
I would be happy, as never in such a long time
to just caress your cheek with my hand
more than to be hugged
i miss to hug you
you know why i call you mouse?
mice have a small heart, fragile, they must not startle
or their <3 just literally xplode
mice are fragile, have to be handled carefully
because they are so tiny
you can squish them if you grab them too hard
but have to hold them strong enough
or maybe they could run away
they get confused easy
just like you
and most important
mice are always misunderstood
just for the fame that preceed them
just because they were born that way
and just a few people see they as the tiny
fragile little balls of fur
they really are
is funny
i waited
online
on friday
you logged in
and said nothing about my invitation
i though
you changed your mind again
like when you talked to me on msn
a few weeks ago
when you said you might take back those words you said
i just though
you decided no need to take them back
and then you wake me up
at 4 oclock in the morning
how did i woke up
i dont know
why did i left that only day the PC on
when lately i just give a shit and leave
only itunes, and always exit msn early
I will not be able to see the text you said you send me
I have not connected my cell yet
the guy who was supposed to meet with me
to buy th e phone
said still no satios were received this week
so no cellphone yet, fuck.
anyway, i DO believe yo spy on me sometimes
there is no way you can always know
when i need to hear of you
previous to making an stupid/reckless/stubborn/xtreme/or even important decisions
your mind works in mysterious ways little mouse
sometimes i give myself to wonder
wondering hurts
but also makes me loose myself
in my own daydream of you
i could not see you
the camera was notworking so i could
not see your face
idied to took at your face
is that kind of venom
you know is toxik, you know it will hurt, you know you dont have to
but you have to, because is sweet,and you love it
like a taboo
today i took kro with me at the park
is was cool lots of people
from work, and kro there
and then we went to isaac house
i left her with him today
kro broke with mario
is funny
we were on tha way to
isaacs house
and she stopped to look a flower
in a flowershop
it was a orange daisy
i dont know why
but i had to buy her the damn orange daisy
her face, for a moment looked lonely
i know the feeling, i know even if she does not want to admit it
she somehow is hurted by everything with mario
a flower is always good for a girl heart
specially if it comes from someone else
i guess she have her girly sides too
i could not tell her my plan
she is way too oversensitive
about love topics right now
i got a white rose
at night, just like old times
i hope you see my white rose at your doorstep
and i hope you see the letter
if all you told me was real
if you feel and you want to just
sit in front of a fireplace
with me
walk in the mountain at night and get two doggies
play with us
then why are we doing this
why do we have to be appart?
why can we just...
can still say gomenasai
and i do blindly believe it
i believe in fairy tales after all
i imagine them, they look beautiful in my head
tomottow,
or well
today
i will wait for you
at 4 pm
in the fireflies path
next to the river
maybe
just maybe
is not too late
but if you dont make it
i guess i will understand.
this is week 12
since you walked away
Would you be my Acacia
and let me give you
the clock in my heart?
how was your week
my everafter love?
--------------------------------------sabrina-----------------------------
song of the week: 4000 rainy nights by Stratovarius

hese empty days are filling me with pain
After I left it seems my life is only rain
My heart is longing to the better times
When everything was still so fine

I wonder why it happens so fast
You give your heart away knowing it might not last
I'm still here waiting for the rain to fall
And to see you once again

4000 Rainy Nights
4000 Nights I'd be with you
4000 Rainy Nights with you

I keep your memory in my heart
You give me hope when everything is so dark
That thing nobody can take away
Forever in me

4000 Rainy...

Quote of the week: is a poem by the gallant lord byron: when we two parted....
When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that our foretold
Sorrow to this.

In secret we met -
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee! -
With silence and tears


Why i am writting this much now?
because i know now you do read me. so i feel happy at least
letting you know i am keeping my promise
and i will keep it
not because i promised to you
but is an oath to myself.
with all my heart i wish
you came today.
all i can do as always is wonder
and hope
always subject to uncertainness.
but somehow
today i am not crying
i would like you to see me smile,as you knew me
many many months ago.
i love you